


put it all behind you

by FollowingButterflies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, From Sex to Love, M/M, Multi, Reunion Sex, Reunions, Road Trips, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 11:05:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6467722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowingButterflies/pseuds/FollowingButterflies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jimmy, Dean's best friend from college, asks him to be best man at his wedding Dean is honoured if a bit reluctant. After all, Jimmy is his ex-husband's brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song [No One Here by The 88](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNeETStJek0).

It all started with a phone call. A phone call at two in the morning. Dean had only just started to drift off to sleep when his cell phone started to blare loudly. He fumbled around in the dark, he was basically blind without his contact lenses in, before he found the source of the noise.

"Jimmy? The fuck dude, it's two in the morning. You better be dying in a ditch or somethin' or I gonna kick your ass."

"I did it Dean. I asked Amelia to marry me." Jimmy replied without to much as a hello or apology for waking Dean up. "We're getting married!" 

"Congratulations. Now can I go the fuck back to sleep?" Dean grumbled. 

"Dean..." Oh shit it was that voice. The voice Jimmy had used since their freshman year at KU. It was the voice he used when he wanted something. This could range from the last slice of bacon at breakfast or to copy Dean's notes because Jimmy had slept through his class. 

"No I'm not coming to celebrate. It's the dead of ass at night." Dean said yawning loudly. 

"Stop being an asshole and listen." Jimmy said. "Dean...will you be my best man?" 

"What about..." Dean didn't feel right saying his name even after two years. 

"He's out the country. Prague the last time I spoke to him." Jimmy said. That was news to Dean, then again why would Dean know his whereabouts anymore? "You're my best friend Dean, you introduced me to Amelia after all."

"If I say yes then can I go back to sleep?" Dean asked.

"You're an asshole." Jimmy retorted.

"Is that a yes?"

"Is that a yes?" Jimmy pressed with a snort of laughter. 

"Of course dude, if anyone is gonna kick your ass down that aisle then it's gotta be me." Dean said. "Now can I go to sleep?" 

"Yeah man, you can go to sleep."

"Congratulations. Tell Amelia that she's the only girl I would accept you marrying."

"I'll just tell her you said congratulations, asshole." Jimmy said with a snort. They said their goodbyes and Dean was fast asleep in seconds.

It was only when Dean was showering the next morning that it hit him.  Jimmy Novak was getting married and Dean was going to be his best man. That was crazy. He never thought that he would see the day that Jimmy actually got married. Holy fuck, his best friend was getting married and he'd agreed to be best man.

More importantly he'd agreed to be best man for his ex-husband's brother. 

_Fuck._

\---

The first words to come out of Castiel Novak’s mouth were profanities. Dean had only just walked into the small house he was going to be renting with his best friends, Jimmy and Jo for their final year of college, when the front door had been kicked open. Dean whipped round and stared, slack jawed, at the guy stood in front of him. The scruffy, breaded guy in ripped jeans and a faded Bon Iver t-shirt. Fucking Bon Iver. Jo had been obsessed with that damn  _Skinny Love_ song when she went through a break up during their freshmen year. 

“Fucking boxes weigh a goddamn fucking ton.” The guy said with a voice like gravel. Dean knew instantly that it wasn’t Jimmy even if the guy looked shockingly like him. Jimmy would never let his hair grow that long and he certainly didn’t have tattoos running up and down both arms. He also shared Dean's hatred for Bon Iver. “Fuck, you’re not Jimmy.” the guy said when his shockingly blue eyes fell onto Dean. 

“No I’m not. Neither are you.” Dean said. He racked his brain for the guy’s name but for the life of him he couldn’t remember it. Jimmy had told him about his family, his twin brother and younger sister but Dean was shit with names. He'd met Jimmy's sister as well. Dean was sure it began with an 'A' though. 

“Well fucking done Sherlock, you can use your fucking eyes.” The guy said rolling those damn blue eyes of his. “Wanna give me a hand here?” He then asked nodding at the boxes in his hands.

“Oh yeah, sure. Sorry dude.” Dean said racing over to grab the top box. Fuck, he was right. It was heavy. What the fuck did Jimmy have in there. “So you’re…”

“Cas. Jimmy’s brother.” Cas! That was it. It was short for something but Dean remembered that Jimmy’s twin brother went by Cas. jimmy had said that Cas hated his full name. “Jimmy said he was gonna be here. Do you know where he is?” Cas asked. "I've driven all the way from fucking Washington to help you idiots move in and now Jimmy's nowehere to be found." Damn, Cas must love his brother if he'd driven all the way from Washington to help Jimmy move in. Either that or Cas owed him. 

“Jimmy is here.” A voice called. Dean grinned as his best friend came strolling into the hallway, carrying the lightest looking box ever with a tray of take-out coffee cups settled on top. “I thought we’d need coffee to get through this so I hit Starbucks on the way here.” Jimmy said giving Dean a smile. 

“Fucking hell. You know how I feel about that place.” Cas said with a groan. Jimmy rolled his eyes heavily and gave his twin brother a light kick on the leg.

“Its caffeine, either fuck off back to Washington for your fix or suck it up.” Jimmy said. Dean was lost and he knew he was just standing there staring at the two brothers. Facially they were identical but apart from that the two couldn’t have looked more different. Jimmy was clean cut and looked like your typical all American college student. Like Dean he was an engineering major, never skipped a class and even went to church every Sunday morning.

His brother however, was a different story. Cas’ dark hair was slightly longer than Jimmy’s and less clean cut. His stubble looked less designer and more ‘I can’t be fucked to shave’ and something inside of Dean was itching to get a closer look at the tattoos inked all over Cas’ arms.

“So I see you two have met.” Jimmy said nodding at Cas and Dean.

“Not in the biblical sense.” Cas quipped as he put down the boxes in his hands and grabbed a cup of coffee. He wrinkled his nose at the coffee but still took a sip. “I’m guessing this is the Mid-West farm boy you've waxed lyrical about since freshmen year.” He added giving Dean a look over. Dean felt his face flush.

“I’m not a farm boy.” Dean said. Kansas wasn't all farm land. 

“Ignore him Dean, he’s out at Evergreen and thinks he’s a tortured writer because he never sees the sun.” Jimmy said putting down his own box and handing Dean one of the coffee cups. Cas flipped his brother off but still didn’t stop looking over at Dean, a curious look on his face. There was something in that look that intrigued Dean even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

\---

“You want to pull this whole thing off in _how_ long?” Dean asked three days after Jimmy called to ask him to be best man. Dean, along with Jimmy and his new fiancée Amelia, sat in a diner booth nursing coffee and a quick dinner of burgers and fries. 

“Six weeks.” Amelia said between sips of her soda. “I know that it’s crazy to plan a wedding in six weeks but it makes sense.”

“It does?” Dean asked. 

“Oh yeah, because your wedding made sense.” Jimmy said. Dean and Amelia stopped. Bringing up what happened with Dean was always a sure fire way to kill any conversation. “Sorry.” Jimmy said quickly as he looked at Dean. “I wasn’t thinking.” 

“No shit.” Dean muttered before turning back to look at Amelia. “So why six weeks?” He asked. 

“Well after the summer I’m going to be so busy with grad school and you and Jimmy are just getting off the ground with work. We’ll be so bogged down by work that we’ll end up being engaged for about five years and neither of us want that.” Amelia explained.

“So you’re going to plan a wedding in six weeks?” Dean asked still thinking that both Amelia and Jimmy were crazy. There was no way they would be able to pull it all off.

“Not exactly.” Jimmy said with a grin.

“Don’t look at me.” Dean said quickly. 

“Oh we’re not.” Jimmy said and once again the unspoken hung over them. Not many people would ask someone with a failed marriage to plan their wedding. “Anna has already started planning it.”

“She’s a bridesmaid along with my younger cousin Jessica.” Amelia intoned.

“It’s going to be at the family home back in Missouri.” Jimmy said. Dean had spent countless time at the Novak’s home in Missouri over the years. He’d spent Thanksgiving there and after he’d married Cas they had spent Christmases there. Even after what happened Dean still spent time there. Anna, Jimmy’s younger sister, lived in Missouri as did Jimmy’s mother. Anna's house wasn't far from the Novak family home. 

“She’s already got a fair of the planning done.” Amelia added with a smile.

“So I just have to show up, look sharp and make sure Jimmy’s waiting for you at the end of the aisle?” Dean asked. He knew it wasn’t going to be that easy but damn, he could hope.

“Yeah Dean, it’s gonna be that easy.” Jimmy said rolling his eyes. “I’ve already spoken to Sam. He’s going to fly in on the morning of the wedding as he’s got placement up until then. Jo said that she’s going to be there and all of Amelia’s friends have said they’ll be there.” Jimmy added. No one mentioned Castiel.

"Excellent, so I don't really have to do shit all?" Dean asked. 

"No Dean, you don't have to do 'shit all'." Amelia said before going back to sipping her soda. 

\---

Dean didn’t know how it happened. It took nearly a week to move into the new house and he put this down to the fact that Jo had a shitload of stuff, Jimmy couldn’t decide how to sort out all their games and DVDs and Cas, who wasn’t even moving in, kept suggesting they fuck off unpacking for getting drinks instead.

At first Dean was wary of Jimmy’s twin brother. He might have looked a bit like Jimmy but they were nothing alike. After the first day Dean got used to seeing Cas walk around the place in nothing but his boxers, which Dean didn’t mind at all because Cas may have been a ‘tortured writer’ out in Olympia but he clearly did a fuck load of cardio. It also gave Dean a chance to get a closer look at the seemingly endless tattoos that covered Cas’ body.

Scripture, quotes and bible verses adorned Cas’ chest and stomach. Various sigils from mythology were inked up his arms and a large pair of black wings spread across Cas’ shoulder blades and back. Dean wished that he could have said that the tattoos were the reason he kept finding himself staring at Cas but he knew that was bullshit. He found Cas fucking attractive and it was completely messing with his head.

After a week Cas announced that he was going back to Olympia as his classes were starting. He gave Jo a wicked grin, Jimmy a wink and Dean a knowing look before he climbed into his beaten up old car and made his way back to Washington state.

That night Dean’s phone buzzed with an unknown number and to his surprise he saw it was from Cas.

_Looking forward to being ogled by you again Farm Boy._

_How do you know I was ogling Mr Tortured Writer?_ Dean shot back before he even realised what he was doing. Jimmy would kill him if he found out Dean was flirting with his brother. True there had always been a ‘Don’t fucking flirt with Anna you slut’ rule since the first time Dean had met Anna the previous year and Jimmy had never said if that rule also applied to his brother. Still, Dean was sure Jimmy would have a things to say if he knew that Dean had been staring at his brother for the past week.

 _You’re not very subtle. Is it just erections you grow on the farm or is it something cliché like corn?_ Cas fired back. Fuck, he’d noticed the occasional tightness of Dean’s jeans.

_I didn’t actually grow up on a farm and you’re from Missouri so you’re not so metropolitan yourself._

_So it is just erections. That’s good to know. Until next time Farm Boy._

Next time turned out to be just a week later when Dean received a photo message from Cas. In the photo he wasn’t wearing a lot and seemed to be at some sort of hippy party with a lot of alcohol. Dean might have rubbed one or two out over that photo but he wasn’t going to let Cas know that.

 _Enjoy whacking one out to that Farm Boy_ Cas sent barely an hour after sending the photo. Dean was fucked, truly fucked.

After that they talked pretty much non-stop. Random musings that seemed to be thinly veiled sexual innuendos became the norm. Neither Jimmy nor Jo knew what was going on and Dean wanted to keep it that way for a while. When Cas announced he was coming to visit them Jimmy thought nothing of it but Dean was nervous. Was Cas coming to see him? Would it be obvious that the pair had been talking for the past month? If it was Dean was going to be fucked. Not in the good way either.

\---

Two weeks before the wedding and the last thing that Dean wanted to hear about was the damn wedding. Anna had been on the phone to him nonstop since Jimmy asked Dean to be the best man. It was actually pathetic how Dean had gotten used to her ringing in the middle of the night with a random question about the colour of his tie or something else completely banal.

“Anna for the last time I don’t give a fuck over what kind of salmon is served at the reception.” Dean groaned at four in the morning when he picked up his phone. “Actually Jimmy fucking hates salmon and you should know that, he’s your brother.”

“This isn’t about salmon though I do have to sort that out. I just wanted to know if you were bringing a date to the wedding.” Anna said.

“What is it with your Novak siblings and waking me up in the middle of the night?” Dean asked. “No, I’m not bringing a date with me, I’ll be too busy making sure that Jimmy actually marries Amelia.”

“Because you’re the best person to offer marriage advice.”

“Fuck off Anna.” Dean said before hanging up. He counted to five then rang her back. “Sorry for telling you to fuck off.”

“Its fine, I shouldn’t have said that anyway. It’ not your fault, you did nothing wrong.” Anna said. “One last thing.”

“Is it about the table arrangement?” Dean asked. Anna was silent. “I’m not talking about who is sitting where Anna, call Jess and ask her about it.” Dean said before hanging up yet again. Not five minutes later his phone buzzed with a text message.

_Stop bitching at Anna you ass, she’s just trying to make sure the wedding goes without a hitch._

Jimmy. Of course it was Jimmy. In the space of a month he’d turned into a weird, panicking mess over the wedding. God knows what would happen if he was actually planning the wedding and not just getting Anna to do everything.

_Stop letting your sister call me at 4am to ask about fucking table arrangements. I’m not a woman._

_Stop acting like one then you asshole._ Maybe Jimmy had a point, Dean was acting like a bit of a mopey woman. The sooner this whole wedding shit was over the better.

\---

The first time, and fuck if that doesn't sound cheesy as hell, was completely tequilas fault. Cas was staying with them for the weekend. Apparently his roommate had taken up naked tantric yoga and Cas was sick of seeing the guys balls all the time. According to Cas his roommate’s balls were not balls he wanted to see.

It started with beers at a local college bar, Dean sat with Cas, Jimmy and Jo in a small booth and swapping anecdotes about life at college. Jo nearly choked on her beer during one of Cas' stories about a party he'd recently been to. 

"Your brother is fucking crazy." Jo said to Jimmy. Jimmy just rolled his eyes because he probably heard this all the time. Dean was just trying to concentrate on anything but Cas' thigh pressed against his. He felt his dick twitching and he knew he needed to calm down. He wasn't going to pop a boner in the middle of a bar. 

Jo was the first to leave, claiming that she needed to be up in the morning. Jimmy followed thirty minutes later which left Dean and Cas sat next to one another.

"Look after him."

"I don't need looking after." Cas said. 

"I meant look after Dean, I know what you're like." Jimmy said giving his brother a look. "If it were up to you the poor guy would end up in Vegas with a stripper named Molly Mount." Jimmy added before leaving the pair. 

"Please, there's only one place you're ending up tonight." Cas said to Dean. 

"Is it my own bed sans stripper?" Dean asked. 

"We'll see." Cas said. Then he suggested shots and that's how the two ended up sneaking back into the house a few hours later incredibly drunk. In the hallway Dean turned to say goodnight to Cas, assuming that Cas would camp down on the couch for the night. 

Cas captured Dean's lips and pressed him up against the wall. His tongue exploring Dean's mouth and his hands roaming under Dean's shirt. His hand ghosted over Dean's stomach before moving downwards the palm the erection in Dean's jeans. 

"Forward aren't you?" Dean asked cocking an eyebrow. 

"Fuck forward, if I left it up to you we'd still be texting like teenagers." Cas said, his voice going even deeper. "So what's it gonna be Dean? More teenage flirting or am I gonna see this dick?" 

"Because you asked so nicely." Dean said with a snort. He lead Cas into his room. "Your brother is going to kill me for this."

"Please don't mention my brother when I'm about to fuck you Dean." Cas practically growled as he pulled Dean's shirt up over his head. Well that sent every thought of Jimmy out of Dean's head. He and Cas had never really established who was going to be leading this thing. Clearly Cas had his own ideas over whose ass was going to be whose. 

\---

 _One week_. In _one_ week Dean would no longer have to hear about the fucking wedding. If he heard the word ‘wedding’ anymore he was sure he would break out in hives. Jimmy had basically turned into a woman over the past few weeks. Dean barely recognised his best friend anymore. Part of him wondered if he was anything like that after his wedding. No, he couldn’t think about that. That was dangerous territory. He couldn’t allow himself to think about anything to do with Castiel.

He found that almost impossible though. There had been weeks, if not months afterwards where he could barely stand being around Jimmy because he reminded Dean of Castiel so much. They were very different people but Jimmy was still Castiel’s identical twin brother, they still looked like each other if one was tattooed and scruffy. Even if one was the love of Dean’s life who had just walked out one day and never come back.

Fuck. Dean thought that after two years he was over it but as the wedding drew closer he found himself thinking about Castiel almost nonstop. They hadn’t spoken since that day. Dean hadn’t seen him for over two years. Castiel had been ripped out his life, because cutting someone out your life meant you had a say in the matter, and now he was just left with the pain. There were no reminders, Dean had gotten rid of everything in the weeks that followed the divorce papers. In drunken rages he had burnt photos, destroyed mementos and knickknacks they had collected during their summer road trip. He had deleted every single trace of Castiel apart from the tattoo still present on his ring finger.

The worst had been a few days after. After the papers, after he had come home to an empty apartment and found his husband gone. Jimmy had come round to find Dean in a drunken haze. He had been so drunk he had thought that Jimmy was Castiel. Dean had cried, begged him to rethink everything. They could work though it all and Dean would be a better husband. He would be the person that Castiel wanted to love. When he realised that it wasn’t Castiel he had lashed out. He had told Jimmy to never step foot in his apartment again. He never wanted to see him again. It had been a brutal day that still made Dean feel sick.

Now, a week before the wedding, Dean sat alone in his apartment nursing the first beer he had drunk in weeks. He was on the couch, a random show playing on the TV screen that he wasn’t paying any attention to. His mind was wandering and he couldn’t help it. He wondered where Castiel was, he wondered if Castiel ever thought about him. Had Jimmy even gotten in touch with him to tell him about the wedding? Dean had seen the guest list over a hundred times over the past few days thanks to Anna. Castiel’s name hadn’t appeared anywhere on it. He wasn’t going to be there so Dean needed to stop thinking about him. His life with Castiel had been a brief and beautiful thing but it was over. It had been over for two fucking years and Dean needed to accept that. He needed to get that through his thick, fucking skull.

Yes, for a moment he had been happy. He’d been married and every night he held his husband close but that wasn’t his life anymore. That hadn’t been his life for two years and it wasn’t going to be his life any time soon.

\---

It lasted six months. Six months of sneaking around and acting like secret agents. Secret agents that just seemed to have sex whenever they could but secret agents nonetheless.

"If you and my brother are going to continue fucking like bunnies can you be quiet about it?" Jimmy said over breakfast one Sunday morning. Cas had just left to go back to Olympia and Dean nearly choked on his coffee. "Please, you guys are not subtle. Cas hasn't told me any gross stories of guys he's hooked up with for months and you look at him like you're about to pounce."

"I...I...I don't know what you're talking about." Dean said trying to act casual and hide the hickey he k ew was on his collarbone.

"Bullshit, Cas has been sleeping in your room every time he's been here for months. You guys are not subtle with your dirty secret sex."

"It's not...we're..." Dean stammered. 

“Oh shit it's not just sex is it?" Jimmy asked when he looked at Dean's flushed face. "If it was you would have told me. Cas would have told me."

"We're sort of a thing. We haven't said what that thing is but it's a thing." Dean stammered out as Jimmy stared at him. "Stop staring dude, I've done the whole relationship shit before."

"Not with my brother you haven't." Jimmy said. 

"Don't kill me."

"I would have killed you if it was just fucking but it is t so I don't know what to do." Jimmy said. "Break his heart and I'll break your neck though." 

"What would Jesus say?"

"'Do not fuck with Jimmy Novak's brother.'"

"I doubt Jesus would say fuck." Dean pointed out and received a hearty smack from Jimmy for that comment.  "I'm not gonna break Cas' heart. I'm not." Dean said and he meant it. He liked Cas, fuck he liked him a lot. There was something about the scruffy guy that was intoxicating and Dean ached when Cas was back at school.   

He was falling in love with Cas Novak and that terrified him.


	2. Chapter 2

“So…Jimmy and I are thinking about taking a road trip during the summer. I mean, we’ve been planning it for a couple of months but nothing has really been decided yet. What do you think?” Dean asked.

It was a month after Jimmy had found out about him and Cas. They were sat outside on the deck while Cas smoked and Dean drank from a bottle of beer. Cas looked over at Dean with a lazy smile and nodded his head. Dean smiled back at the idea of spending the whole summer driving around the US with his best friend and boyfriend. It was a good thought.

“Where are you thinking of going?” Cas asked as he leant next to Dean.

“Everywhere, Jimmy wants to go to all these random places and I really wanna check out Vegas.” Dean said. They had started planning the trip a few months previous. Jimmy had a long list of bizarre places he wanted to check out and, even though he would never admit it, Dean thought that a few of them actually sounded kind of cool.

“My brother is actually on board with letting me come with you to _Vegas_? That doesn't sound right.” Cas said with a snort. Dean rolled his eyes. Sure he had heard some crazy stories about Cas but the guy seemed to have slowed down now that he and Dean were together.

“He doesn't really get a say. If he says no to Vegas then I'm saying no to going to see that goat who can blow smoke rings.” Dean said. That damn goat had been the only thing Jimmy had talked about for nearly three days.

“You wouldn't dare.” Cas said in mock horror.

“Oh I would.” Dean said with a wink. Cas winked right back and Dean felt a spike of desire rush through him. Even after all these months Cas was still able to reduce him to nothing but a hormonal teenager.

“Is it safe to come outside? You guys aren't naked are you?” Jo called from inside.

“Yeah we are Jo, it's all dick and balls out here.” Cas called back. Jo snorted loudly and came outside, clearly not believing Cas for a second.

“If Dean had said that I might have believed it.” Jo said sitting down opposite them with a beer in her hand. “What are you guys talking about?”

“The road trip this summer.” Dean said

“You fuckers, I wish I could go.” Jo whinged. During the summer Jo was going back home to help out at her mother’s bar. Whenever Jimmy or Dean brought up the trip she would get pissy.

“I could always try to convince Ellen to let you come with us.”

“Yeah like that is going to happen. My mama makes you want to piss your pants.” Jo said. Cas snorted loudly. “You think I'm joking Novak, the first time Dean met her he tried to hit on her then swiftly learnt that Ellen Harvelle could kick his ass.”

“Your mother is an attractive woman.”

“Gross, I think I prefer you talking about Cas’ junk.” Jo said wrinkling her nose.

“I always enjoy that topic of conversation.” Cas said with a smirk. Both Dean and Jo rolled their eyes at that. Dean and Jo went back to drinking their beers while Cas smoked. They were quiet but Dean enjoyed the silence. He enjoyed the calm he felt when Cas was with him.

\---

The road trip was going to be Dean, Cas, Jimmy and Dean’s younger brother Sam. Dean and Jimmy finished in the last week of May with Cas finishing a week later. On Sam’s last day of school the three of them were going to travel to Kansas then the four were going to head off the day after.

Sam was the first to bail. He got a summer job at their father’s insistence. Dean tried to be pissed about it but when Sam started talking about a girl, Ruby, who worked there he knew that there was no point.

Jimmy was the next to bail. Months prior he had applied for a summer internship and then had swiftly forgotten about it. That was until he had gotten a phone call securing his place. Once again Dean tried to be pissed but Jimmy was really excited about the internship.

“Looks like it's just going to be you and me.” Dean to Cas over the phone the day before he planned to drive out to Olympia.

“Just you, me and the open road until Labour Day weekend? However will we keep ourselves entertained?” Cas asked with a chuckle.

“I can think of a few things.”

“They better include getting naked in that sexy ass car of yours.” Cas said boldly. Dean promised him that those plans certainly did. “Can’t wait Farm Boy. This is certainly going to be an interesting summer.” Cas replied.

Jimmy saw him off the next morning. “You better look after my brother.” He said.

“What do you expect me to do? Ditch his ass on the side of a random highway?” Dean asked. He threw his duffel bag into the trunk of the Impala and gave Jimmy a quick hug goodbye.

“Hey the thought has crossed my mind more than once.” Jimmy said with a grin. “Nah, just look after him. He acts all tough and cool but he's still Cas. He’s still my brother.” Dean rolled his eyes and assured Jimmy that he would keep his eyes on Cas at all times. “And you looked over my list?” Jimmy asked.

“You mean the list entitled ‘ _Things Dean and Cas Are Not Allowed to do on Their Road Trip_ ’?” Dean replied. Jimmy nodded. Dean sighed but pulled out the piece of notebook paper covered in Jimmy’s scrawl.

**_Things Dean and Cas Are Not Allowed to do on Their Road Trip_ **

**_By Jimmy Novak_ **

  1. _Gross photos on social media. We don’t need to have Facebook filled up with you two gross assholes_
  2. _No naked photos. I don’t need to see either of your guy’s dicks_
  3. _Cheesy tattoos. Cas, you don’t have any space left for tattoos apart from your ass._
  4. _Don’t get arrested. Seriously guys, sex in public is not something I’m bailing you out of jail for._
  5. _Cas you’re not allowed to feel Dean up while he’s driving. He will crash and John will kill him if he fucks up the car._
  6. _Seriously guys, I don’t need to hear any gross stories._
  7. _TAKE A PHOTO OF THE GOAT THAT BLOWS SMOKE RINGS_
  8. _SERIOUSLY GUYS. I NEED TO SEE THAT GOAT._
  9. _If I find bodily fluid in the car when you come back I’m gonna be so grossed out. The thought of you two having sex is kind of gross._
  10. _That’s not homophobic Cas so don’t give me any shit._



“Is there anything else you want to add to this weird ass list?” Dean asked.

“Nope. I mean it about the cheesy tattoos. You guys are better than that.” Jimmy said giving Dean one last hug before Dean got into the car. “Oh and make sure that Cas actually eats. Coffee and cigarettes are not a food group.”

“Yes mother!” Dean called from the window.

Dean fired off a quick text to Cas as he pulled out the street.

_I’m setting off now. You all packed?_

_Jumbo box of condoms, lube and as spare pair of boxers. That's what you mean by being packed right?_ Cas fired back. Dean snorted and shook his head. This was going to be an interesting trip that much was clear.

\---

Dean was all packed. The impala was full of all the last minute things he needed to take to Missouri for the wedding. His suit was already there. Anna had assured him several times that she had picked it up for him. Dean had pointed out that she didn't have to tell him that several times and Anna’s reply had been very short.

As he hit the highway Dean found his mind wandering yet again. The wedding was only a few days away and it really had been a stressful road leading up to the big day. He wished that people would stop staring at him with a pitying look all the time but he knew it was only going to get worse over the weekend. He was close to yelling “I AM PERFECTLY FINE WITH BEING HERE SO STOP ACTING LIKE I’M GOING TO BREAK BECAUSE OF MY OWN FAILED MARRIAGE!” Anna would probably kill him if he did that.

Speak of the devil. Dean had only been driving for thirty minutes and already Anna was ringing him.

“Yes?” Dean asked as he accept the call and switched his cell phone to loudspeaker.

“Hey, I’m just checking in and seeing if you're ok.” Anna said sounding calmer than she had in weeks.

“Yeah Anna I'm fine. Fucking hell, you're not going to start with the pity are you?” Dean asked groaning. He couldn't handle it if Anna started with the pity as well.

“No I'm not so don't get pissy. I'm just asking if you're ok.”

“Yeah Anna, I'm fine.” Dean said.

“I just want to make sure. I know you've said you're ok with all of this but you've got to be thinking about him. It's only natural.” Anna said. Dean owed Anna a lot. She had been there to help him pick up the pieces after everything went to shit. Anna had stayed with him for several days after Cas left. She made sure that Dean was eating and there was even that one time she held him while Dean cried. Dean owed her a lot.

“Have you heard from him?” Dean asked. He and Anna hadn't spoken about Cas for months, nearly a year actually.

“Not a thing. I sent an invitation via email because I don't know whereabouts he is at the moment but he never got back to me. I wish he would call but that's asking a lot.” Anna said sounding sad. One of the things Dean hated the most about the divorce was that Anna and Jimmy had lost their brother. Cas hadn’t just left Dean, he had left his whole family. “I know it’s going to be hard but just try not to think about him this weekend. This is about Jimmy and Amelia.”

“I know it is.” Dean said rolling his eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me Dean Winchester.” Anna said. How the fuck did she know? “So you’re going to be here in a few hours right?”

“Yeah. When’s the party again?” Dean asked. Instead of an engagement party (because the engagement had been so short) Anna had planned a pre-wedding party. Amelia and Jimmy had forgone a normal bachelor and bachelorette party. Apparently they had far too much to do to waste three das recovering from killer hangovers. They may have had a point there.

“It starts at eight. You’ll be there by that time right? I need you there.”

“Anna I know you’re secretly in love with me but calm yourself, this is Jimmy’s weekend.”

“Shut up Dean, you know what I mean.”

“I know, I know. I kind of need you there too. You can drag my drunk ass to bed at the end of this.”

“Oh Dean, you sure know how to treat a woman.” Anna said. Dean snorted loudly. “I’ve got to go Dean, the caterers are here. Call me when you’re nearly at mine ok?”

“Yeah sure thing. See you later Anna.” Dean said before Anna hung up. Once off the phone Dean turned up the radio and let the sounds of The Who fill up the impala. He only had to get through the next week without fucking up then Dean would be fine. Ok, that was easier said than done but Dean was going to try.

\---

" _Wait_...say that again. I could have sworn you said something stupid then." Jimmy said over the phone. Dean and Cas had been travelling around for a few weeks and by that point they had been in Vegas for two days. Not that Dean could remember a lot of it.

"In my defence we were drunk and it was Cas' idea. I think." Dean said. "I don't really remember much." He added as he tried to think over the previous night. Really, it was all a blur.

"Dude I said look after my brother not to marry him in Vegas." Jimmy shouted down the phone. "You've been...whatever for like, six or seven months? Most people just get a fucking cat or dumb ass tattoos. They don't get married." Dean was silent. "Aw fuck, you got dumb ass tattoos didn't you? Did you not read my list?" Jimmy groaned.

"They were cheaper than wedding rings." Dean said looking down at the simple inking on his ring finger. Cas, who was lying next to him in bed, mumbled something in his sleep and flung an arm across Dean. Dean glanced down at his…well his husband and smiled. True, Jimmy was yelling at him down the phone but he had Cas next to him. That made everything ok.

"Your mama is gonna freak." Jimmy said.

"Mom loves Cas." Dean pointed out. Mary did, she loved both the Novak twins. She'd always doted on Jimmy and now she accepted Cas easily, even with all his weirdness.

"Ok your dad is gonna freak." Jimmy did have a point there.

"No change there then." Dean said. The less John said about his relationship with Cas the better. John had only met Cas once and that had been painful enough. Dean didn’t want to think about what John would say when he found out that Dean had drunkenly married Cas in Vegas.

"When are you two idiots coming home?" Jimmy asked.

"Cas wants to go to San Fran so we're heading to California after this. We'll be back in Kansas in two weeks maybe?"

"Then what?” Jimmy pressed.

"You want me to tell what I'm planning to do with your brother?" Dean asked with a snort. Jimmy had a firm 'Don't talk about fucking my brother' rule. 

"Be serious Dean, what are you two gonna do?"

"Rent a place? I don't know...I don't know if I want to move or Cas does." Dean said. “Fucking hell Jimmy, I’m far too hungover to talk about what me and my husband are gonna do once we’re home.”

"Fuck...you're really serious about this aren't you? Like it's not just some drunk thing that you two are regretting?" Dean really looked at Cas. Yes he was scruffy and blunt, he said things he probably shouldn’t and he had more tattoos than his parents would ever deem acceptable. Dean loved him though, he really loved him.

"Honestly Jimmy...this feels right. This feels like it." Dean said and he meant it. He never expected to marry anyone after six months, let alone have it be Jimmy's twin brother, but this just felt right.

"Mary and John are going to have a fit." Jimmy said. 

"I'm accepting that. So...you're not pissed."

"I'm furious but what can I do? I’m here in Kansas, my mom is in Missouri with Anna and you and your wife are in Vegas."

“I doubt Cas will be happy to know you think he’s the wife.” Dean said with a snort. Dean knew that Jimmy was rolling his eyes at him. “Look, I know you’re gonna kill us both when we get home but…but this feels right Jimmy. It really does.”

“I can’t believe that you’re married. I can’t believe that you’re married to my _brother_. This is going to take some getting used to.” Jimmy said. From his place in the bed, Cas groaned loudly and opened his bloodshot eyes. Someone was seriously hungover.

“Holy shit. My whole fucking body fucking hurts.” Cas groaned.

“Is that Cas? Pass the phone over, I want to yell at him.” Jimmy said.

“If you yell at him I think his brain will explode.” Dean said while Cas continued to groan. “How’s the head babe?” Dean asked Cas. Cas groaned yet again. “Yeah, his brain will definitely explode if you yell.” Dean said.

“Fine but as soon as he stops feeling like death I want to talk to him.” Jimmy said. He soon hung up while Cas rubbed his eyes and prayed for the room to stop spinning.

“I swear I’m never drinking that much fucking alcohol ever again. I feel like total fucking shit.” Cas groaned. God he really did have a potty mouth. “Dean…why does my hand hurt?” he then asked before looking down at his hand and spotting the simple inking on his ring finger. “Ok…ok…was it just a really drunken dream or did I suggest that we get married last night?”

“You suggested that we should get married. You then dragged me to one of those shitty little chapels and a fat guy dressed as Elvis married us.” Dean said as he scrolled through his phone. He had very little memory of this so was getting the information off his phone. Cas simply stared at Dean with a shocked look on his face. “Hey don’t look at me like that, it was your idea.”

"We're married? As in 'till death and all that bullshit' married?" Cas asked.

"Yeah...we're married." Dean said and Cas fell silent again.

“I suppose I could do a lot worse than some farm boy from Kansas.” Cas finally said.

“Gee thanks Novak, I’m so glad I married a foul mouthed tortured hipster now.”

“Fuck off Winchester, you love me and you know it.” Cas said grinning over at Dean. Dean couldn’t even be bothered to fight the smile that spread across his face as he looked at Cas. He leant over gently and captured Cas’ lips in a kiss. “You know what will cure this hangover?”

“Bacon?” Dean suggested.

“No, a blowjob. After that I’ll try some bacon.” Cas said before he grinned wickedly at Dean. God, Dean was married to this scruffy, good looking man.

Dean was _married_. Holy fuck. This was going to change everything.

\---

Anna’s backyard was full of people and Dean was sure he was in hell. Everyone was milling around chatting to one another or picking small canapes off the trays various waiters kept offering. Dean had only been there for thirty minutes and he was already totally done. As if by magic Anna appeared at his side with a glass of something in her hand. She handed Dean the drink.

“Whiskey.” She said before Dean even had to ask. Dean gave her a thankful smile. “You doing ok?” She asked with concern.

“Oh yeah, this is a barrel of laughs.” Dean said sarcastically. “Your cousins have been eyeing me up since I got here. I’m waiting for one of them to ask me something inappropriate.” He added with a weary sigh.

“I’m betting all my money that it will be Gabriel. He never could hold his tongue.” Anna said glancing over to where her three cousins, Michael, Lucifer and Gabriel, were stood. All three of them were drinking heavily and Dean was just waiting for one of them to approach him. He’d only met them once but that had been enough.

“How’s Jimmy and Amelia holding up?” Dean asked nodding over to where the happy couple were stood talking to various relatives. Dean had already had an awkward encounter with Jimmy’s mother. He hadn’t seen much of her over the past two years but when he had she had looked at him with so much sadness.

“I keep sneaking Amelia glasses of wine. I should probably stop soon before she becomes a drunken mess.” Anna said though she really didn’t look that sorry. Dean snorted and shook his head. “I’m just making sure she enjoys herself.”

“You’re such a good bridesmaid.” Dean said.

“Come on, stop being such a sour puss and dance with me. I hired the band for a reason.” Anna said letting Dean drain his drink before she grabbed his arm and lead him towards the makeshift dance floor. The music was some sort of light, airy jazz song which seems fairly easy for Dean to follow. He held onto Anna and just let his mind wander while they danced together.

He knew this week was going to be a difficult week, it always was when he was around Cas’ family as it brought up so many memories, but Dean knew that he needed to put his feelings aside. This week wasn’t about him, it was about Jimmy and Amelia. They were the ones who mattered.  

“Oh holy Jesus.” Anna gasped as she looked behind Dean. Before Dean could even spin around he heard a voice he hadn’t heard in two years.

“Hello Dean.” Dean’s stomach dropped. Slowly he let go of Anna, turned around and came face to face with none other than Castiel Novak, previously Castiel Winchester. “How are you?” Cas asked, his voice just as deep as it always had been.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Dean snapped before he could think of anything else to say. Cas looked taken aback at Dean’s harsh tone.

“It’s my brother’s wedding.” Cas said, his brow furrowed. “Why wouldn’t I be here?” He then asked. Dean said nothing. What the fuck? What the actual fuck? It had been two years. _Two years_ since anyone had seen Cas or had any real contact with him. Now he just showed up completely out of the blue? Anna had said he wasn’t going to be at the wedding. Dean thought he was safe.

“I…you never…you didn’t call me.” Anna stammered looking between Cas and Dean. Dean just continued to stare at Cas. He hadn’t changed much in two years. His hair was still a complete mess, his stubble just as wild. Like every other man at the party he was in a suit but the sleeves of his shirt and jacket were rolled up to his elbows many of his tattoos were visible. He was still as good looking as he had been the last time Dean saw him. That didn’t mean shit though. Dean couldn’t think about Cas like that anymore.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. It’s been crazy. I’ve only just got back into the country and-” Whatever Cas was going to say next Dean didn’t want to here. He turned around and walked away. He looked around the backyard and hurried over to Jimmy as soon as he spotted him.

“Your brother is here.” Dean said as soon as he got to Jimmy’s side. Jimmy’s mouth dropped open and he scanned the backyard until he saw Cas stood next to Anna. Anna was talking very animatedly, waving her hands around in front of her. Dean couldn’t hear her but it was clear that Anna was pissed.

“Fuck.” Jimmy said.

“Yeah, fuck.” Dean said. “I can’t do this Jimmy, I’m sorry but I can’t.” He said as his breath became shallow. “I…I gotta get out of here.” Amelia looked stricken but nodded her head. Dean was staying at Anna’s house until the wedding so he tore back into the house to quickly get changed out of his suit.

Fuck.  _Fuck!_


	3. Chapter 3

_The apartment was quiet._

No.

_The bed was cold, Dean reached out and found Cas’ side empty._

No. No! He couldn’t think about this now. No, he couldn’t.

_“Cas? Babe?” Dean called out. No reply came._

No, just no. He couldn’t fucking think about this. He had spent so long drowning himself in alcohol trying to forget that day but now everything had come rushing back. All it had taken was for Cas to reappear and now Dean couldn't think about anything else but that day.

Footsteps on the stairs. They were light and Dean could hear the tap from heels. Seconds later Anna was in the doorway. Her eyes big and full of concern. When she saw Dean sat on the spare bed just staring at the doorway her face crumpled.

“Oh Dean.” She said with a sigh. Anna crossed the room in seconds and crouched down in front of Dean. With gentle hands she stroked Dean’s face, her touch so light and almost motherly. “I had no idea. I promise you Dean. I had no idea he was going to be here.”

“I know Anna.” Dean whispered. “You would have told me if you knew.”

“Stay up here if you don’t want to be downstairs. Jimmy and Amelia will understand.”

“It’s so stupid Anna.” Dean mumbled. “It’s been two years.”

“It’s not stupid Dean.” Anna said fiercely as she took hold of Dean’s face with both hands. “Look at me, look at me Dean.” She said firmly. “It is not stupid for you to feel like this. He was your husband. You loved him and he left you. He left all of us, we all have a right to be angry and hurt.”

“I just…I can’t stop thinking about it Anna.” Dean said. “I keep seeing the side of his bed being empty, the divorce papers on the kitchen table and how he just left me. I can’t stop seeing it Anna, no matter how hard I try I can’t stop.” Dean could feel his eyes stinging with tears and he truly hated himself for it. He had tried so hard over the past two years to rebuild his life and in a matter of seconds the mere sight of Cas had managed to tear all that down.

“I could kill him for doing this to you. He didn’t see you after he left. He didn’t see how I had to put you back together again.” Anna said. She had as well. Anna had been there for him more than anyone else, apart from Sam. There had been a time where Dean couldn’t be around Jimmy after Cas left so Anna had stepped up. “Stay up here, get some sleep and we’ll talk about this in the morning ok?”

“Ok…thank you Anna.” Dean said in a small voice. Anna gave him a weak smile and a quick kiss on the cheek. “I really love you Anna.”

“Me too Dean. You’re my family. We’re a little bit of a messed up family but we’re family.” Anna said. “I’ll see you in the morning.” She added before leaving the room. Dean changed out of his clothes but instead of going to sleep he picked up his phone and called Sam.

“Hey Dean.” Sam said. “How’s the party? I know Anna’s pissed I couldn’t be there but I’m gonna get there for the wedding, don’t worry.”

“Cas is here.”

“Say that again?” Sam said.

“Cas is here. He’s here at the party, he’s come for the wedding.”

“Holy fucking shitting hell.” Sam said. Blunt and blue but to the point. “He’s there? Have you spoken to him? What’s happened?”

“Which question do you want answering?” Dean asked.

“Have you spoken to him?” Sam asked. Dean snorted loudly. Sam had seen the state of him after Cas had left, why would Dean want to speak to Cas. “Ok, stupid question. What are you going to do? The wedding is a few days away, you’re going to have to see a lot of Cas over the next few days.”

“Not if I can help it.”

“Shit is going to hit the fan. It’s going to be a shit storm by the time I get there isn’t it?”

“Probably.” Dean muttered. “I’m going to get some sleep, talk in the morning?”

“Yeah, we’ll talk in the morning.” Sam said before hanging up. Dean sighed as he changed into a loose pair of sweatpants. He wasn’t going to do this right now, he knew that memories of Cas would come to him in his sleep but he wasn’t going to lie in bed and go over and over it.

\---

Dean nearly cried in the morning when he walked into Anna’s kitchen to see a full pot of coffee and bacon waiting for him.

“I could kiss you.” Dean said as he poured himself a large mug of coffee.

“Have you brushed your teeth?” Anna asked without even looking up from her phone. She was frantically tapping away and it was no doubt about wedding business. “Expect a text from-” Anna started to say before Dean’s phone buzzed loudly. Jo.

_WHAT THE FUCK? CAS IS THERE? IS HE FUCKING KIDDING? WHAT AN ASSHOLE! THAT FUCKING JACKASS BROKE YOUR FUCKING HEART AND WALKED OUT ON ALL OF US AND NOW HE JUST WALTZES BACK IN AFTER TWO FUCKING YEARS?! WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS?!_

“So you told Jo about last night?” Dean asked.

“She wanted to know what happened while she wasn’t there.” Anna said with a shrug. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Where is he?” Dean asked noticing that there was definitely so sign of Cas.

“At our mother’s house.” Anna said with a sniff. “I said there was no way he was staying here seeing as you’re here and Jimmy doesn’t have the room.” Anna sat down opposite Dean and sipped on her own coffee. “Jimmy has a lot to say on the whole thing. I think he’s happy that Cas is here but he’s mad that Cas hasn’t really been around for the past two years. Plus there’s…well…”

“The whole ‘divorcing Dean out the blue’ thing?” Dean offered. Anna pursed her lips. “This is a massive week for Jimmy, I’m not going to do anything to fuck it up. I’m his best man, it’s the best man’s job to make sure nothing goes wrong.”

“Yes but this is _Cas_ , there’s a lot of history there.” Anna said.

“So what happened last night after I went upstairs?”

“Gabriel ran at Cas and nearly knocked him to the ground, Michael looked like he was going to punched him and our mother smacked him round the back of the head. She’s furious that he hasn’t really been around a lot over the past. Jimmy introduced him to Amelia and it was really tense.” Anna explained. “He…he asked about you.” She added warily. That wasn’t surprising. At one point Dean and Cas had been each other’s whole worlds.

“What did you say?”

“I told him that if he wanted to know how you were then he shouldn’t have walked out on you.” Anna said. It was the wrong time to take a sip of his coffee but at point Dean snorted his coffee through his nose. “I was just being honest.”

“God, I really love you Anna.”

“I know, I’m your favourite Novak.”

“I wouldn’t let Jimmy know that. Best man and all.” Dean said.

“Jimmy can suck it.” Anna said bluntly. Before Dean could even think of a reply his phone buzzed again.

The text message from Jimmy simply said _'suit fitting at 10'_ Dean groaned at the thought. He hadn't worn a suit in years. The last time was probably his anniversary dinner with Cas. Two months later he had woken up to an empty bed and divorce papers.

 _'There better be coffee.'_ Dean shot back.

“Best man duties beckon.” Dean said rolling his eyes at Anna. She gave him a weak smile and wish him good luck.

When he got to the store he saw he was the first one there. He was about to send a message to Jimmy when the door opened. 

It wasn't the brother he was expecting to see. Cas stood there, a takeout tray of coffee cups in his hand, and a surprised look on his face.

"Oh...I didn't think you'd be here." Cas said. "Jimmy just said to come here at ten and bring coffee."

"I said I wouldn't come without caffeine." Dean said with a shrug of his shoulders. He knew he would have to Cas multiple times this week so he was going to act civil. Even if it killed him.

"This will be yours then. Black with no sugar." Cas said handing over the cup. For a moment their fingers grazed one another. How many times had Dean held that hand? More times than he could count really. Now it felt weird to even look at Cas' hands. 

"Jimmy not on his way?" Dean asked. 

"He said he would be here. Knowing him-"

"Forgotten his keys or something." Dean said finishing Cas' sentence. Something he used to do all the time. Cas looked at him with surprise but nodded. 

"Novak party?" The woman called. 

"Yeah that's us. The groom will be here in a minute." Dean said taking charge. They were shown into a small fitting room where the suits for Dean and Jimmy were waiting for them. Cas explained that he was a last minute guest and would need a suit. While the woman went off to retrieve several suit options Cas turned to Dean.

Oh fuck.

"So...you and Anna." Cas said.

"What about me and Anna?" Dean asked. Cas frowned and bit his lip.

"You're staying at her house." Cas pressed.

"Yeah well it's cheaper than a motel." Dean said with a shrug. He knew what Cas was asking and he wasn't going there. As if Cas could even think that Dean would go there with Anna. 

"Amelia said that you two were close." Dean was tempted to hit him.

"Not in the biblical sense." Dean said quoting Cas from all those years ago when they first met. Cas' frown deepened. "She was my sister in law, she's basically my sister." Dean added. 

"Amelia just said you two were close." Cas pressed.

"Yeah, she helped me pick myself up after my fucking divorce. After the fucking divorce that broke me." Dean snapped letting his mouth run away with him.

"Oh you're here!" Jimmy called as he burst through the doors. "I couldn't find my keys then got stuck in traffic. Everything ok?" Jimmy asked looking between Cas and Dean.

"Spectacular." Dean muttered sarcastically. Cas shot him a look that Dean pointedly ignored. Hey if Cas was going to suggest that Dean was fucking Anna then Dean was going to be a sarcastic jackass.

_“Cas? Babe?” No reply. The apartment was completely empty. On the kitchen table Dean could see neat looking papers._

No. He wasn’t going to do this here. He couldn’t do this here.

"I’ll be right back, I gotta call Sammy" Dean lied as he swiftly left the room. 

"Go the fuck after him you idiot." He heard Jimmy mutter. Dean carried on out the store and once outside he lit a cigarette from the crumpled pack in his back pocket.

"You always told me that was a terrible habit." Cas said as he came outside. Dean ignored him. "So you're not even going to properly talk to me?" Cas asked with raised eyebrows. 

"What's to say?" Dean asked. 

"A lot. It's been two years." Cas said. Dean snorted. Yeah it had been two years since Cas walked away from him without a word. Just divorce papers. "We have a lot of catching up to do."

"We really don't." Dean said between drags of his cigarette. 

"How's Sam?" Cas pressed. 

"At Stanford. Studying law." Dean replied shortly. Cas sighed. "What the fuck do you want me to say Cas? Really, what am I supposed to say?"

"You could tell me what you've been up to?"

"Oh because you're so outspoken about where the fuck you have been for the past two years."

"Chile, Budapest, China and France. I went to Spain for a while then Nepal. I've just gotten back from Prague."

“Fascinating." Dean muttered. "Nice of you to send postcards."

"Dean can we please talk?" Cas asked.

"We are talking."

"I meant that we could talk about us."

"Are you fucking joking me? There is no 'us' Cas, you saw to that when you signed those divorce papers. What are you expecting? For us to become friends after this?"

"I guess that we could never be just friends Dean. We're...we're Dean and Cas. Two people who were meant to never be. Never meant to be just friends but clearly never meant to be more."

"Never? We were married." Dean snapped, he knew full well he shouldn't snap but for Cas to insinuate that they could never have been more hurt. He had loved Cas. Deep down he probably still did. Yes he was mad at Cas for everything but he knew he would never stop loving the scruffy asshole to shattered his whole world.

"Were. We were married. We were happy. We were in love. I thought we would be forever yet here we are."

"If you thought we would be forever then why did you leave?"

"You know why."

"I haven't a clue why you left. I didn't know then and I certainly don't know now!" Dean raged. "Why did you come back here then?" Dean asked his voice became cracked. "You don't speak to Jimmy much anymore, you'd never even met Amelia and you certainly don't speak to me." He could feel his chest getting tighter as his voice rose before he finally asked the question that had been on his mind since he saw Cas again. "Why come back here?"

"Because I was naive." Cas said. Dean stopped. What did that even mean? 

"I'm sick of this bullshit." Dean said shaking his head before he began to walk away. 

"Dean-" 

"Forget it Cas, you said it yourself after all. We could never be friends." Dean hissed. "You come back here after two years acting like nothing happened. You act like nothing happened between us. It did though, it happened. You're right, we can't be friends because we never were friends. We're just two guys who fucked each other in the same bed for a while."

"Dean-"

"No, you've had two years to talk to me, Jimmy or even Anna but you haven't." Dean said holding up his hand to stop Cas. “Tell Jimmy that I had to go, I can’t fucking do this.” Dean added giving his ex-husband one last look before he turned away and stormed towards the Impala.

\---

It was quiet in the apartment when Dean woke up and that instantly confused him. Normally the radio in the kitchen was blaring or the TV in the den was loudly broadcasting the news. He rolled over and was even more confused to find no trace of Cas. His side of the bed was pristine, something that was unheard of as Cas usually left a trail of destruction behind him. 

"Cas? Babe?" Dean called out. 

No reply.

With a groan Dean pulled himself out of bed. That was when he noticed just how clean their room looked. Dean normally kept his side pretty neat but Cas' side was always a riot of clothes. Nothing was out of place now. Dean pulled on a pair of boxers and his worn KU hoodie. Gingerly he passed out the bedroom and down the hall. It was eerily quiet.

"Cas?" Dean tried again and again there was no reply. The kitchen was cold and empty. No coffee mugs left out or a bowl of Cas' awful organic granola. "Cas, you here?" Dean called and yet again there came no reply. That was when he spotted what looked like files on the kitchen table. A feeling like lead settled in Dean's stomach. He looked down at the files and everything he thought he knew shifted.

Divorce papers. They were fucking divorce papers. At the bottom was Cas' signature and his name clearly printed out.

No. No, this could not be happening. _No_.


	4. Chapter 4

The first week of being married was a blur for Dean. Despite Jimmy's rule, Dean and Cas took endless photos. Yes, they were cheesy as hell but neither of them cared. Normally Dean was a pretty private person but he ended up flooding his Facebook page with photos of his husband at sunset, Cas asleep in the Impala or the two of them with their faces mashed together. Ok several were due to copious amounts of alcohol being drunk, though not the driving photos, and Dean knew he was being a total sap but he really couldn't help himself. His husband was hot and he wanted to be smug about it.

Mary and John, not so surprisingly, had a lot to say on the matter. Mary was shocked but overjoyed at Dean was happy. She found Cas' blunt outlook on life refreshing. John, on the other hand, yelled at Dean down the phone for a good twenty minutes. What he said Dean wasn't sure about as he just lay down his phone and waited for the yelling to die down. Cas found this highly amusing.

“Still yelling?” Cas asked from where he was lying on their bed. They were just outside of San Francisco in a tiny hotel and had been enjoying a day of exploring the sights. Cas was lying on their bed in just his boxers reading a book while John yelled at Dean on the phone.

“Yeah, I think he’s going for a record.” Dean said. “Wanna go for some food? I could just leave him yelling and he probably won’t even notice.”

“Give me five more pages, I’ve nearly got to the end of this chapter.” Cas said. Dean snorted, the amount of times Cas had made him wait while he finished a chapter of his book was unreal. “Don’t snort at me Winchester, it’s a fucking good book.”

“You’re such a nerd _Winchester_.” Dean said. Cas smirked at Dean’s use of his new surname. They had decided the day after the drunken wedding that Cas was going to be a Winchester and every time Dean called Cas a Winchester Cas would smirk an adorable little smirk.

“- _completely irresponsible Dean!_ ” John yelled from the phone. Dean sighed.

“Dad I’ve got to go, my husband and I are gonna grab some food.” Dean said before hanging up, not even giving John a chance to say anything. Cas looked up in shock and laughed with surprise. John was definitely going to have one or ten things to say over that but Dean didn’t care. “I’m going to jump in the shower then we can get some food.” Dean said to Cas.

“Want some company?” Cas asked as he cocked his eyebrows.

“I thought you had a chapter to finish.” Dean said.

“You naked in the shower just beat out this chapter.” Cas said winking over at his husband. 

“That’s nice to know Mr Winchester.” Dean said with a grin.

“Thanks Mr Winchester.” Cas said with a wink. He pulled himself off the bed, throwing his book down onto the covers and in a matter of seconds he was pulling Dean towards him with a fierce, hot kiss. Dean’s hands roamed over Cas’ bare skin, trailing over the inked skin and gripping onto Cas’ muscles. God he loved this man so much.

“I love you.” Dean moaned. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too Dean.” Cas said, his smile so bright it was mesmerising. “I never thought when I walked into that house that I would fall in love with some farm boy from Kansas but here I am.”

“I never thought I would fall in love with some sarcastic, grumpy tattooed writer but here I am.” Dean shot back. “And I ain’t no farm boy.” He added between biting kisses.

“If the flannel shirt fits Kansas boy.” Cas said. “Now get that gorgeous ass in the shower ‘cause I want to go and get some food.”

“And after that?” Dean asked.

“After that we’ve got our whole lives together.” Cas said, his voice ringing with sincerity. Dean smiled at his husband and dragged him into the bathroom. They shared a steamy shower, swapping soapy kisses and blowjobs with Dean marvelling his husband’s body. He was still getting used to the idea that he would be spending his life with Cas, spending his life with this beautiful man whom he loved so much.

“You know, eventually we’ll have to return to reality.” Dean said as they were towelling themselves dry. Cas shrugged his muscular, tattooed shoulders.

“Like I give a fuck about reality when I have you.” Cas said as he smiled over at Dean. “No matter where you go, all I care about is that you’re with me.”

“That was really cheesy Cas.” Dean pointed out.

“Fuck…you’re right. Shit, is this my curse of being a Winchester? Am I gonna be a cheesy, sappy bastard from now on?” He asked. Dean rolled his eyes and whipped Cas with a towel.

“You wish you were badass like the rest of the Winchester men.”

“Oh? So I’m not a real Winchester man?” Cas asked with a mocking, hurt look.

“You’re the best Winchester man, wanna know why?” Dean asked cocking his eyebrow.

“Go on Dean, tell me.” Cas said.

“Cause you’re mine.” Dean said. He thought that Cas would rip the shit out of him for saying something so fucking cheesy but instead Cas just looked at him with such adoration Dean started to blush. Without warning Cas pulled Dean into a heat filled kiss.

“God, I love you so much Dean Winchester.” Cas whispered.

“I love you too Cas Winchester.” Dean whispered back.

\---

“Oh here’s the newlyweds!” Dean heard the female voice cry as soon as he came through the door of the house in Kansas. Cas let out a surprised voice and moments later his new husband was attacked by a flash of red hair. 

“Anna! What are you doing here?” Cas asked between gravelly laughs. Dean placed their bags on the ground and grinned over at Jo and Jimmy as they came walking down the hallway. Jimmy was rolling his eyes while Jimmy and Cas’ younger sister was still hugging Cas. Dean had met Anna a few times over the years and he thought she was a brilliant girl.

“Well after you fucked off-”

“Watch the mouth Anna.” Jimmy intoned.

“Ok, after you went off and got married I thought I would come and see Jimmy.” Anna said before turning to Dean and giving him a hug. “I knew you and Jimmy were like brothers but I guess this officially makes us family now.” She said.

“I just can’t get away from you Novak siblings by the looks of it.” Dean said.

“Hey, don’t put me in the same category as those two. I’m a Winchester now.” Cas said smugly. Jo laughed hysterically.

“I can’t believe you two got _married_. Cas, you tamed Dean Winchester. You deserve a fucking medal.” Jo said shaking her head.

“Many have said that my sexual prowess deserves an award.” Cas said. Dean snorted while Anna and Jimmy looked like they were going to throw up.

“Gross Cas.” Jimmy groaned.

“So Cas, come and tell me all about the trip. I bet you’ve got tons of photos to show us.” Anna said excitedly. Jimmy shot Cas a warning look.

“You show her anything illegal or involving nudity and our mom will never let her stay with us again.” He warned Cas. Cas raised his hands in defence.

“Dean and I were gentleman for the entire trip. We’re happily married men nowadays.” He said giving Dean a wink. Jimmy rolled his eyes and motioned for Dean to follow him into the kitchen. Dean followed him while Jimmy set about making mugs of coffee.

“Are you still pissed at me?” Dean asked because he could feel that Jimmy was winding up to something.

“You’re done a lot of shit over the past few months to piss me off, so what are you talking about?”

“Marrying your brother.” Dean said as he sat down at the kitchen table. Jimmy went silent for a few moments and Dean watched a various emotions flitted across his face. Dean knew that he’d pissed Jimmy off with the whole ‘sleeping with Cas’ thing then ‘marrying Cas’ thing but he couldn’t help how much he cared for Cas. He loved Cas, he really loved him.

“Ok, I’m pissed because it just feels like you two are going a million miles per hour but…but…you clearly care about him.”

“I love him Jimmy. This feels right.” Dean said. “I won’t be able to do this without you Jim, I need my family.”

“What? What did your parents say when you told them?” Jimmy asked sensing that Dean was building up to a lot.

“My mom was shocked. I guess she just thought I would have the whole ‘apple pie’ life with a blonde wife, 2.5 kids and a fucking dog. Dad…well he a lot more to say. He basically yelled down the phone for a long time. I just put it on the side table and talked to Cas while my dad yelled. I doubt we’re going to talk for a while.”

“Shit. You and your dad are really close as well. How are you going to deal with him not being in your life?” Jimmy asked. He knew how close Dean and John were, Jimmy had after all spent a lot of time at Dean home back in Lawrence. He’d always gotten on with John. When John found out about Dean dating Cas there had been terse and tense words between father and son. John didn’t think that Cas was good enough person for his son and Dean also knew there was the lingering idea that Cas was a man. John had never been really comfortable with Dean’s bisexuality.

“It is stupid that I don’t care because I have Cas?” Dean asked.

“Oh man, you are so fucking in love with him it’s insane.” Jimmy said shaking his head.

“How fucking long does it take to fucking make some fucking coffee you bunch of bastards?” Cas said strolling into the kitchen with Anna and Jo at his heels.

“You’d think that married life would calm down that disgusting mouth of yours but no.” Jimmy said wrinkling his nose at his twin brother.

“Hey, Dean ever complains about my mouth.” Cas said with a smirk.

“Stop it! I don’t want to hear about your sex life!” Jimmy yelled covering his ears and he proceeded to hum very loudly while Anna and Jo snickered. Dean smiled over his husband, God that really was going to take some getting used to, and gave him a look. It was a look that said ‘ _Don’t ever change’_

The look that Cas gave him back was just as loving and said ‘ _Don’t worry, I won’t_ ’

\---

Dean knew that Jimmy was going to be pissed at him for just leaving the tailor’s like that but Dean couldn’t be around Cas. Their conversation was running through his head as he drove back to Anna’s. The words ‘ _We could never just be friends’_ played over and over again like a broken record.

_Two people who were meant to never be._

“Fuck…fuck!” Dean yelled slamming his hands on his steering wheel. How the hell was he going to get through this? How?

_I thought we would be forever yet here we are._

"That was the biggest load of shit I've ever had to fucking deal with!" Dean yelled as he stormed into Anna's kitchen and came face to face with a tall blonde woman who looked vaguely amused. "Oh...hi. You’re not Anna.”

"Hey, you've gotta be Dean." She said holding out her hand. "I'm Jessica Moore, Amelia’s cousin."

"Oh hey, it's good to finally meet you. You couldn't make the party last night?" Dean asked his he shook Jessica’s hand. She was tall, blonde and pretty. Too wholesome looking for Dean.

"No, I'm at Stanford and I couldn't miss a really important test." Jessica explained with a blushed.

"No shit! My brother is there! What are you studying?" Dean said.

"Pre-Med."

"He's Pre-Law, Sam Winchester. He's flying out for the wedding."

"We might know a few of the same people, I have friends who study law." Jessica said with a smile. "So...you're the brother-in-law." She added and Dean tried not to flinch. He really couldn’t get away from his fucking past.

"Christ Jess, the _one_ thing I told you not to talk about." Anna snapped as she came into the kitchen along with Amelia. "You're back early, I thought you were trying on suits with Jimmy." She said when she saw Dean.

"And Cas." Dean said.

"Oh." Amelia said, her face dropping.

"Yeah." Dean said walking over to Anna's coffee machine. 

"Well this is my cousin Jessica." Amelia said.

"We just met, you didn't tell me she was at Stanford. She and Sammy will have loads to talk about." Dean said trying to avoid Anna's eyes. 

"Jess hates me bragging." Amelia said while Jessica went red. "But why are you back so early?"

"Cas was there." Dean said. 

"You two are going to have to talk sooner or later."

"Yeah, and I'm choosing later." Dean said pointedly, making it clear that the conversation was over. 

"Well if you don't want to try on suits do you want to come with us and pick up the flowers?" Anna asked.

"In what world do you think I'm going to want to do that?" Dean asked. He’d rather be kicked in the dick than look at flowers with a bunch of women who would want to ask him yet more questions about his ex-husband.

"Well I still need to sort out the cake, why don't you and Jess go to the florist while Dean and I go to the bakery?" Amelia offered. Dean's ears picked up at the word 'bakery'. Bakery meant cake and pie. 

“I like that plan.”

“Because they’ll be food.” Anna said rolling her eyes. She turned to Jessica. “Looks like it’s just you and me at the florist.”

“God, I’m really missing out on a party there.” Dean muttered sarcastically. Anna flipped him off and gave him a look that said they would be talking about the disaster at the tailor’s later on. Dean couldn’t wait. Ok, he could wait. He could wait for-fucking-ever.

The bakery was a small family place with a tiny coffee shop attached to it. While the owner was sorting out frosting samples for Amelia they sat down with two coffees and watched the other patrons.

"I know this week is going to be hard now that Castiel is here." Amelia said as she added sweetener to her coffee. Dean sighed, he knew Amelia had a motive for bringing him here. "I hadn't met him until last night and Jimmy's never really told me the whole story."

"The whole story is pretty confusing."

"Care to elaborate?" Amelia asked.

"We met when we were at college. Cas was at Evergreen, I was at KU with Jimmy and Jo. That part you probably know. Cas and I flirted and fooled around for a while until I realised I actually really loved him. We went on this road trip after we graduated, it was supposed to be with Jimmy and Sam but they couldn't make it so it was just me and Cas." Dean explained even though he could feel his chest tightening. "It was the best time of my life. Just the two of us going all over the country, not caring about anything but the two of us. We got to Vegas and we were so drunk for pretty much all of it, Cas suggested we get married and I was so wreaked that I agreed."

"After all the stress of this wedding I wish Jimmy and I were doing that." Amelia said with a tiny laugh. Dean smiled at her. 

"Yeah, it was crazy. We got these stupid machine tattoos instead of rings." Dean said holding up his hand to show Amelia the simple D&C inking on his finger. He hadn't gotten it removed. He couldn't bring himself to do it. "Things were...they weren't perfect but we were happy."

"So why did you get divorced?" Amelia asked. "What happened?”

"I don't know." Dean said. "I honestly don't know, to this day I still don't know. I woke up one morning, two months after our anniversary, and found the apartment empty. All of Cas' things were gone and on the table he'd left divorce papers."

"Just like that?" Amelia asked furrowing her brow.

"Just like that.” Dean said clicking his fingers. “I still don't know why he did it. He just cut us all off. Up until this week I hadn't spoken to him in two years. Jimmy didn't speak to him for six months after the divorce and Anna speaks to him even less. He never told anyone why he did it."

"So you never got closure." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. 

"I'd call divorce closure." Dean said bluntly.

"Not if you still care about him."

"Whatever I tell you will get back to Jimmy so why should I say anything?"

"Dean, we're going to be family in a few days. You might not be legally a part of Jimmy and Anna's family anymore but to them you're their brother. You're family. We're going to be family and is like to think you can trust me." Amelia said. "Plus we were friends before I even knew Jimmy, you introduced us." That was true. Dean knew Amelia through a mutual friend and he had set her up with Jimmy. The rest was history. 

"I suppose I'll always love Cas, he was my husband but he left me. He didn't want to be with me anymore. I just need to move on."

"I think that the two of you need to talk."

"We did talk, it ended in me yelling at him." Dean pointed out.

"Well that's something I guess."

"This weekend is going to be a mess." Dean groaned.

"Hey, I've spent enough money on this wedding, it better not be a disaster Winchester." Amelia said pointing at finger at him threateningly. "You and Cas should just talk, and I mean really talk. Not yell at each other. Talk."

"There's nothing to talk about. He left me."

"And you don't know why. If Jimmy left me I would want to know."

"You guys ain't even married and you're talking about if he left you?" Dean asked with a snort. 

"It's an example Dean, stop being a jerk."

"Amelia? We're ready for you." The owner of the bakery said with a smile. 

"Come on Winchester, be useful and tell me which cake frosting is better." Amelia said.

In the end they settled on a simple vanilla sponge but went for the White chocolate and raspberry frosting. Dean pottered around the bakery looking at several items while Amelia sorted out the finer details of the cake. Dean brought a freshly baked apple pie to take back to Anna's as a way of saying thank you for putting up with him, also because he just really wanted some damn pie.

"All done?" Amelia asked walking over. Dean held up his bag and nodded. "Jess just text and said she and Anna are all done so we can meet them back at the house."

"I think I'm just gonna go for a walk for a while." Dean said. There was a chance that Jimmy would be at Anna's and that meant Cas. 

"Are you sure?" Amelia asked. Dean nodded. 

“Yeah, drop this off at Anna’s for me?” He asked handing over the apple pie to Amelia. “I’ll be back soon.” He added. Amelia gave him a quick hug before she headed over to her car. Dean set off down the street and lit a cigarette as he went.

_I thought we would be forever yet here we are._

“Yeah well I thought you were my forever and yet here we are.” Dean muttered to himself bitterly.


	5. Chapter 5

Apart from Sam the only person Dean really wanted to talk was his mother. As he walked around the quiet streets he called his parents’ house back in Lawrence.

“Winchester residence, Mary speaking.” Mary said when she picked up the phone. Dean rolled his eyes, his mother was so Mid-Western.

“Hey mom, it’s me.” Dean said as relief flooded through his body. Everything would be better do that he was talking to Mary.

“Oh Dean, honey! It’s so good to hear from you. How’s everything going with the wedding? Have you told Jimmy and Amelia that we’re sorry that we can’t make it? We’d love to be there but your father really isn’t feeling up to travelling at the moment which is such a shame.” Mary rambled. “We’ve sent them their wedding present and a card though, have you told them that they’re in the mail?” She added.

“Are you going to let me answer your endless questions or not mom?” Dean asked with a roll of his eyes even though Mary wouldn’t be able to see that.

“They’re not endless, don’t be rude to your mother Dean Winchester.” Mary said snippily.

“Jimmy and Amelia know your stuff is in the mail, they know you’re sorry that you can’t come to the wedding…it’s…it is kind of stressful though.”

“That’s understandable Dean, it’s a wedding.” Mary said.

“Yeah well…Cas is here.” Dean said. Mary was silent on the other end of the phone. Mary had been heartbroken when the marriage between Dean and Cas ended, she had really loved Cas and she had loved her weekly phone calls. The pair of them would talk about the most random shit for hours on end. It had never failed to amuse Dean. It was the only time Cas never swore with every other word.

“Well…that’s…surprising.” Mary finally said. “I didn’t think he was a part of Jimmy’s life anymore.” Which was Mary’s way of saying ‘Cas fell off the face of the fucking planet’.  “How was it seeing him again after all this time? You were a mess when he left.” Dean sighed at Mary’s question.

If he was being honest he would have told his mother that seeing Cas was fucking awful but she probably would have shouted at him for saying ‘fuck’.

“It was hard.” Dean finally said. “It’s brought up a lot of emotions I guess.”

“I know sweetie, it must be very hard seeing him again. Have you two spoken much?”

“Um…”

“And by speaking I mean having an actual conversation, not just shouting at him and probably swearing.” Mary said in a very knowing way. Mary knew her son far too well.

“Then no, no we haven’t spoken much.” Dean admitted sheepishly.

“Oh Dean sweetie. Maybe you should just try and talk to him.” Mary said.

“That’s what Amelia said.”

“She’s a very smart girl.” Mary said with a chuckle. “Even though you’re away in Missouri do remember that your father and I are here for you.”

“Well _you_ are.” Dean said.

“Dean that was a long time ago.” Mary said warningly.

"It was two years ago, hardly a long time." Dean said.

“Your father regrets the things he said and did, you know he does. Just remember that I am here for you, I’m just on the other end of the phone Dean.”

“I know mom, I miss you.” Dean said. He hadn’t been back to Lawrence for a while. He’d been so busy with work and rebuilding his life that he hadn’t had a chance to go home to Lawrence. “I’ll come and see you soon, I promise.” Dean said.

“You better stick to that promise Dean Winchester, give my love to Jimmy, Amelia and Anna.” Mary said. “And…if you do speak to Cas tell him that I hope he’s well.”

“Is that true?” Dean asked.

“No, I hope he dies alone and miserable for breaking my baby’s heart.” Mary said firmly. “But I was raised somewhat decently so I’m going to pretend that I wish him well.” She added. Dean snorted because God, he really loved his mother. “Speak to you soon sweetie?”

“Yeah, I’ll speak to you soon mom.” Dean said before giving Mary his love and hanging up. Speaking to his mother had made Dean feel slightly better but he still couldn't shake that horrible aching feeling in his chest whenever he thought about Cas.

Slowly Dean made his way back to Anna’s, stopping of at a coffee shop to grab a filter coffee, and basked in the Missouri sun. Surprisingly Jimmy hadn't tried to call him since he left the tailors which actually surprised Dean, he assumed that Jimmy would have rung up and yelled at him non-stop as soon as he left.

\---

When he walked into the hallway back at Anna’s house he heard Anna’s voice filtering in from the kitchen. Gingerly Dean walked slowly towards the doorway.

“-last year. It really came as a shock to us all. Mary was beside herself, she didn't think that John was going to make for a few hours.” Anna was saying to someone. Dean narrowed his eyes as he walked into the kitchen and wasn't all that surprised when he saw Cas sat at the kitchen table. “Oh, hey.” Anna said quickly. Cas turned and met Dean’s eyes. “Amelia said you had gone for a walk.”

“Yeah, called my mom.” Dean said shortly trying not to look at Cas. “I’m going for a shower.” He added taking off down the hallway. Light footsteps followed him.

“Are you ok?” Anna asked.

“Were you talking about my dad to Cas?” Dean asked.

“He asked how your parents were and if they were coming to the wedding. I said that John wasn’t up to flying because of the heart attack.” Anna said.

"Why did you tell him that?"

"Because he asked if Mary and John would be at the wedding."

“Cas has no right knowing about that.” Dean snapped. Anna stood her ground and hit him back with a steely glare.

“He was your husband and part of your family, if something happened to my mom you would want to know.”

“Yeah because I still see you guys all the time. I talk to your mom every few weeks if I can manage it. Cas hasn't spoken to my parents in two years. He doesn't have a right to know shit about them.”

“You're being pathetic.” Anna hissed. “Seriously Dean, I am trying to be supportive here because I love you but I can't just let you stomp around here acting like an asshole. You and Cas seriously need to talk, not shout, _talk_. Stop acting like a child who is kicking his toys out the pram.” Dean was taken aback, Anna had always been the one there for him, the one to pick him up after Cas left. Hearing her snap at him like this was out of character.

“You done?” He asked. Anna folded her arms across her chest.

“Not even close. I want you and Cas to talk, he's really cut up about this morning.” Anna said pleadingly.

"Oh he's upset? He doesn't get a right to be upset."

“Just talk to him.” Anna said. "Please, please just talk to him."

“Fine, _fine_. I'm going for a shower, tell Cas to meet me in my room in, like, fifteen minutes.” Dean said, sighing heavily because he couldn't believe he was agreeing to this.

“Jimmy, Amelia and Jess will be over soon with my mom. I'm making dinner for us. If you cause a scene I'm stabbing you with a fork. I mean it as well.” Anna warned.

Dean took that warning as gospel, Anna might have been pale and slight but she was still a scrappy fighter. Jimmy had enough horror stories about her from when they were growing up. Cas still had a scar on his forehead from where Anna whacked him with a plastic spade when she was six.

“I won't cause a scene.” Dean said. “Shower then talk, OK?”

“Fine, I'll tell Cas.” Anna said walking back to the kitchen while Dean went upstairs to Anna’s bathroom to shower. As the hot water crashed against his skin he desperately tried to not work himself up but it was impossible, talking to Cas would always be hard now and Dean still had a lot of questions for his ex husband.

\---

Cas was sat on Dean’s bed when Dean walked in twenty minutes later, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and loose shirt with wet hair. Cas looked up as Dean walked in a gave him the weakest of smile.

“Hi…about this morning…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come out after you and expected you to talk to me like everything was normal.” Cas said before Dean could say anything. Well at least he was apologising.

“No you shouldn't have but I don't want to start another fight, mainly because Anna and the others have told me that I shouldn't.” Dean said as he threw his clothes from earlier that day onto a nearby chair. “I guess we should actually try to talk now, without yelling.”

“And without swearing?” Cas asked.

“Is that even possible for you?” Dean asked, Cas’ mouth slowly spread into a smirk at that comment.

“So…what do you want to talk about?” Cas asked.

“The obvious elephant in the room Cas, you walked out on me. I want to know why you did it. You never gave me a reason. Sure we fought sometimes but everyone fights. We could have worked through shit." Dean said trying to work himself up to finally finding out the truth.

"Come on Dean, this was years ago." Cas said.

"Cas you walked out on me. I woke up and all your stuff was gone. I went into the kitchen and there were divorce papers on the table. I never saw it coming at all." Dean pressed. “I deserve to know the reason why you did it.”

"Wait...you didn't?" Cas asked.

“Didn't what?”

“See it coming?” Cas asked, his brow creasing.

"Are you an idiot? Like fuck did I see it coming. I thought we were happy!" Dean said.

"Then why did you say what you said?" Cas pressed.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked trying to rack his brains for something he could have said to make Cas think he didn't want him. There wasn't anything, Dean had always told Cas he was his whole world. Dean would have walked through the fires of Hell for Cas, Cas _knew_ that as well.

"The week before I left. You were talking to someone on the phone. You said you didn't see yourself with me in ten years." Cas said, still looking confused.

"Cas I never said that." Dean said. He would never had said anything that stupid.

"Dean it was the night after Jimmy and Anna came to see us. You were in our bedroom and you told whoever was on the phone that you see didn't us together in ten years." Cas said. "When I heard that I knew you weren't serious about us, you were just waiting for the next person to come along and become a Winchester. That's why I left." Slow realisation dawned on Dean. Oh fuck.

The phone call between Dean and his father. That's what Cas had heard. Holy fucking hell, it was finally making sense. In an instant Dean hated his father. If that grumpy old bastard hadn't called him that night none of this would have happened.

"How much of that conversation did you hear?" Dean asked, really and truly hating his father in that moment.

"The ten year comment. I didn't want to listen after that." Cas said dropping his gaze from Dean and picking at the comforter on the bed. Anna’s grandmother had knitted it before she died. Dean didn't know why he knew that.

"You are such an idiot." Dean said.

"I graduated top of my class from Evergreen." Cas retorted.

"No Cas, you are a fucking idiot." Dean said. "You heard an argument with my father. He said shit about you and asked if I could even see us together in ten years."

"I know your father nearly died from a heart attack but he's an asshole." Cas said. 

"I told my father that I wasn't picturing the next ten years with you because I was planning on spending my life with you. You fucking...you idiot." Dean said.

"But...but you were all distant after." Cas pointed out.

That was true, Dean had been distant for several days after that phone call. He had hated himself for it and the morning that Cas had left Dean had been planning a romantic meal to make it up to his husband.

"Yeah because my dad hated you, well he still hates you. I told him to go fuck himself and he told me not to bother ever coming home if that's what I thought. I couldn't get my head around why he hated you so much when he thought that Jimmy was so great. It was probably because I didn't get drunk and marry Jimmy in Vegas. In the end I chose you over my family."

"What?" Cas asked looking completely stricken. "What do you mean?"

"Dad cut me off. He told me that if I didn't start 'thinking seriously about my future' and leave you then he was going to cut me off." Dean said. "He completely cut me out of his life, he didn't talk to me and I hardly heard from anyone but Sam for a long time." Dean explained. “My mom was heartbroken over it, it nearly ruined their marriage. I think it was only after my dad’s heart attack that they got back on track.”

"Oh." Cas said, his voice very small and meek.

"I told my dad to go to hell. I wasn't leaving you." Dean said, his throat began to feel tight as he choked out the next words. "You made it easy by walking out. Dad was all ready with 'I told you so' but I told him not to bother. We still don't speak much. I mainly just talk to my mom and Sam, it's probably a good thing that my parents aren't going to be here for the wedding."

"Oh." Cas said again. "Oh...fuck."

"Wait, that was your reason? That was your reason for just walking out on me?" Dean asked. After all this time he really had the answer to the question that had plagued him for years. It was a bullshit answer as well.

"I was heartbroken Dean! I didn't think that you wanted to be with me! I thought I was just some cheap fuck you drunkenly married then regretted!"

"You were my whole world Cas! You were never a cheap fuck! I loved you! I fucking worshiped the ground you walked on!" Dean yelled. "Why didn't you just talk to me? Why file for divorce and run?"

"I...I couldn't stand the idea of you telling me that you didn't really want to be with me." Cas said. "I act all tough and shit like that, the sarcasm and all the tattoos, but I'm always terrified of getting hurt."

"Well isn't that the biggest irony ever." Dean snapped.

"Dean-"

"You hurt me...more than hurt, you broke me." Dean said. “I’m not just being dramatic there either, it fucking broke me when you left. Everyone was shit scared of what I'd do. Anna stayed with me for weeks after.” Dean added mainly just to make Cas feel bad. "I nearly drank myself to death more than once. I didn't care though because you weren't there, you left."

"Is there any coming back from it?"

"I don't know. Look this week is nearly over, Jimmy is getting married tomorrow and we'll never have to see each other again after this. Let's just try to get through it."

"If that's what you want." Cas said in a small voice.

"That's what you wanted Cas, you left." Dean couldn't carry on with this conversation. He turned away from Cas and walked out his room, well aware that Cas was staring at him as he went. He was becoming almost as good as Cas when it came to walking away.

\---

He had to call Sam. He knew his brother was flying out in a few days but he just had to get this all off his chest.

"He said what?" Sam asked once Dean had told him everything. Dean was out in the backyard now, the space slowly being transformed for the wedding.

"He said he thought that it was what I wanted. He thought I was just waiting for someone else to come along. He never knew about Dad cutting me off because...well he left before I could tell him."

"Fuck." Sam said. "Holy fuck. Holy fucking fuck shit."

"Yeah. I’d say something about that language there Sammy but there's no point. It's how I feel.”

"This changes shit Dean, you know why Cas left and it definitely wasn't because he didn't love you anymore...are you two gonna get back together?"

"What? No...no. He left. He didn't want to be married anymore."

"No dumb ass, he thought you didn't want him."

"This don't change a thing Sammy, he still walked out and asked for a divorce."

"You're such an idiot. You're still in love with him." Sam said it in such a matter of fact way that a Dean didn't even bother to try and change his mind.

"Doesn't matter if I'm still in love with him, he left." Dean said because really it was true. No matter how much he tried to hide away from the truth he was still in love with Cas. He was in love with the man who had crashed into his life with his wicked mouth and body full of tattoos. He was in love with him even after everything.

"You love him, you can work through it."

"I loved him two years ago and look where it got me. I can't have my heart shit all over by the same person."

"Dean?" Someone said from the doorway. Jimmy. Shit. Dean wondered just how much he had heard of his conversation.

"Sammy, I gotta go. Talk later?" Dean said quickly.

"Oh you bet your stupid ass we're talking about this shit later. As soon as I get to you, I'm punching you."

"That don't make me want to see you any sooner." Dean said before hanging up. "What's up?" He asked Jimmy.

"Cas just came to see me." Jimmy said. "He was babbling away about how much he'd fucked up. I guess you two have been talking."

"You could say that."

"You're still in love with him?" Jimmy asked. Dean didn't say a word. He wasn't sure how Jimmy would react to all this. "You never got your tattoo removed."

Dean looked down at his left hand, the black inking of 'D&C' looking back at him. No, he had never gotten the inking removed. It never felt right to erase Cas from his life.

"Has Cas? He's always wearing a shit ton of rings now."

"No. No...he thought about it but he said he could never remove you from his past like that."

Fucked up minds thought alike.

"You need to tell him." Jimmy said firmly. "You need to tell him you still love him."

"Why? What good is it gonna do Jim?  He's probably moved on after all this time."

"You two are the most frustrating people I've ever had the misfortune of calling my family." Jimmy said. "If there's even a chance of you two getting back together Cas will take it, he's still fucking nuts about you."

"He divorced me." Dean pointed out.

"He thought that was what you wanted." Jimmy said. "He told me why he did it."

"Well it wasn't, it wasn't what I wanted at all. I would have spent the rest of my life with him if he hadn't of left."

"You gotta tell him Dean." Jimmy said.

"No I don't. What's the point of dragging this all up again?" Dean asked. "Jimmy, I loved your brother. I really loved him. I would have done anything for him and let he just walked away. He left me, I'm not going to put my heart on the line again. It was hard enough stitching myself up the last time."

"What if there was a chance for you two though?" Jimmy asked.

"What if he leaves me again?" Dean asked. Jimmy stopped. He didn't have an answer for that. "Exactly." Dean said.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me a while to update, I've been mega busy at work.

_What if there was a chance for you two though?_

There wasn’t though, Cas had walked out on him.

_What if?_

There wasn’t though.

_He’s still fucking nuts about you._

He still walked away.

Dean rolled over and glared at the clock on his phone. 3:27am. He had been lying there with everything playing over in his head since midnight.

_You gotta tell him Dean. He’s still fucking nuts about you._

Dean was ready to whack himself across the head if it meant just going the fuck to sleep.

_He’s still-_

Shut up brain.

\---

“Dean? You awake?” A quite voice whispered into Dean’s ear. Hot breath tickling his skin and a warm arm snaking around his torso.

“No.” Dean replied refusing to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes he would lose the damn game.

“Did you know that llama manure has almost no odour to it?”

“Cas, I’m asleep.” Dean groaned as Cas nuzzled his face into Dean’s neck. It was not remotely uncommon for Cas to wake Dean up in the middle of the night with some random fact. 

“No you’re not.”

“Because you woke me up. I have to be up for work in three hours.” Dean murmured.

“So you are awake. Now you are we could fool around.” Cas said with a snicker. Finally Dean opened his eyes and rolled over to look at his husband in the dim bedroom light.

“You woke me up to tell me a llama fact purely cause you want sex, didn’t you?”

“It’s why you love me.” Cas retorted.

“Fuck you…damn I do, I really do.” Dean said. “I’m going back to sleep though, that llama fact just wasn’t good enough to warrant sex.” He added and let out a chuckle when Cas groaned quietly. Cas gave him a quick kiss on the lips and Dean could feel the pull of desire he always felt whenever Cas kissed him. God, he really did love Cas. Even if he did wake him up in the early hours of the morning with animal facts.

\---

Somehow, and he wasn’t sure how he managed it, Dean was able to avoid Cas over the next few days. Everyone was so busy with making sure everything was ready for the wedding that it seemed almost impossible

“Fuck me, I know you’re all deep and pensive over this wedding but _come on_.” A familiar voice called from the doorway. Seconds later Dean was joined on the decking by one Joanna Beth Harvelle. “Chain smoking and writing in a journal? What are you? Some tragic hipster?” She asked.

“It’s not a journal, I’m going over my speech for tomorrow.” Dean said. “I just wanted to make sure it’s a good speech. I’m already the ex-husband of the groom’s brother, I don’t want to be known as the guy who fucked up the best man speech.”

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine.” Jo said as she sat down next to Dean. “So…how are you doing?” she asked.

“Dealing with all this shit.” Dean said with a shrug. Jo raised her eyebrows as if to say that she didn’t believe him in the slightest. “Jo, I’m fine.” Dean said.

“Bullshit, you’re not fine and I know that you’re not.” Jo said. “I’ve known you for too long, just tell me that you’re not dealing with this shit.” She pressed giving Dean a stern look. Dean sighed and placed the notebook he was writing in down onto the decking.

“This whole situation sucks ass. I thought this weekend was going to be pretty good you know? One of my best friends is getting married, I’m the best man and I’m genuinely happy for him. What happens though? My fucking ex-husband has to be here doesn’t he?”

“He _is_ Jimmy’s brother.” Jo pointed out.

“Who he hasn’t spoken to in two years pretty much.” Dean shot back.  

“Still, he is Jimmy’s brother. It’s kind of obvious that he would be here even if he is your ex.”

“Whose side are you on?” Dean asked. Jo huffed loudly.

“Clearly I’m on your side, I’m pissed that he’s here and I’m pissed that he’s hurt you.” Jo said with a hurt look on her face. “But...but it’s _Cas_. You can’t just walk away from him right?” She added.

“He did enough walking away two years ago.” Dean muttered, sounding like a bitter little bitch as he went back to writing his speech.

“Wow, you’ve clearly spent this whole time maturing and forgiving your ex-husband.” Jo said sarcastically. Dean shot her a death-like glare he’d learnt from his younger brother.

“Don’t give me the Sam Bitch Look.” Jo said hitting Dean on the arm. They fell into a silence while Dean went back to writing. He was nearly done with his speech when the back door crashed open and Anna hurried outside to greet Jo. Jimmy wasn’t far behind.

“Harvelle!” Jimmy yelled as Jo jumped up to give him a hug. Fucking hell, the whole gang was back together. All they needed now was Sam to get here and the house would descend into mayhem. “You know what we need?” Jimmy added with a wicked grin. Fucking hell.

“Peace and fucking quiet so Dean can finish writing his best man speech?” Dean said.  

“Beers. Lots of beers.” Jimmy said ignoring Dean. Dean rolled his eyes because he doubted he would ever finish this fucking speech with these idiots around him.

“I’m calling Amelia and Jess, they need to meet the legendary Harvelle.” Anna said pulling her phone out.

“I’m gonna be in my room, I really need to finish this speech.” Dean said. He also didn’t want to admit that he didn’t want to be around Cas. Jo and Jimmy looked horrified.

“You’re not gonna have some beers with us?” Jimmy asked.

“I’ll be back down later.” Dean lied. He knew he was going to spend the rest of the night in his room like an antisocial teenager. He was such a little bitch.

\---

“Ok…when I say run, you run. Got it?” Cas said leaning across the table and hastily kissing Dean on the lips. Dean stared back at him in astonishment. Even after all this time of being with Cas the guy still managed to throw Dean for a loop.

“Wait, what?” He asked, his eyes glancing around the crowded restaurant. They had been married for six months and Dean was still getting used to the fact that he got to spend every waking hour with the love of his life. He’d noticed several people in the restaurant glancing over at Cas and Dean would sit there smugly. _Yeah, that’s my husband. I know, he’s fucking gorgeous._

“When I say run, you run.” Cas said. “You just got to trust me on this.” He added with sly wink.

“Why are we running Cas?” Dean asked.

“I may have forgotten my wallet and I know for a fact that you left yours on our bed. So…run!” Cas said quickly leaping from his seat and sprinting towards the door.

Dean was hot on his heels as their waiter yelled out after them. Laughter spilled from Dean’s mouth as he raced after Cas, his feet pounding against the sidewalk as they both ran down the street. Finally when they were a fair distance away from the restaurant Cas slowed down and rested his hands on his knees, as Dean caught up with him Cas grabbed his arm and pulled him in for a hot, wet kiss. Dean opened his mouth to let Cas’ tongue in and he was completely lost. God, he fucking loved this man.  

“You’re crazy, totally fucking _crazy_ Castiel Winchester.” Dean said between kisses.

“Crazy ‘bout you Dean Winchester.” Cas shot back. Dean snorted loudly and laced his fingers through Cas’. The two of them walked slowly back to the apartment they shared, laughing as they went and occasionally stopping to exchange kisses. “Did you ever think we’d end up like this?”

“What? Running away from waiters?”

“No you idiot, married. When I walked into that houses holding those heavy as fuck boxes I never thought I’d be meeting my husband.” Cas said sounding surprisingly soft for once. Cas squeezed Dean’s hand and gave him a smile. “Probably wouldn’t have sworn half as much if I had known.”

“Really? I doubt that. Would you have still called me Farm Boy?” Dean asked. Cas snorted.

“Oh yeah, that was how I charmed you.” Cas said, grinning widely at Dean.

“I think it was the shit loads of alcohol and your tattoos that got me.” Dean said and Cas just rolled his eyes. “Still love you though.”

“You better Dean Winchester, you’re stuck with me forever.” Cas said giving Dean a nudge.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing Castiel Winchester.” Dean said nudging Cas back before he pulled him in for yet another kiss.  

\---

On the morning of the wedding Dean woke at the crack of dawn. Try as he might he couldn't get back to sleep so he slowly made his way downstairs into the kitchen and made himself a cup of cocoa. Once it was made he took the cup out onto the deck and lit a cigarette. The sun just beginning to rise as he sat there, steam from his cocoa warming his face. He was so lost in his own thoughts he nearly didn’t hear the back door open.

"We've got to stop meeting like this." Cas said as he sat down next to Dean and lit his own cigarette. Dean's body tensed as it did so whenever he was around Cas nowadays. With a painful pang to the chest he realised Cas was wearing one of the worn Stone Roses t-shirts he used to wear to bed. At one point it had belonged to Dean before Cas had collared it. 

"I didn't realise you would be here." Dean said. 

"Yeah well Amelia is staying at my mom's with Jess and the other bridesmaids. Jimmy is here so it made sense."

"Of course it did." Dean muttered. He wondered if he would ever stop feeling bitter over Cas. 

"You need to stop acting like I'm the worst person in the world Dean, what I did was shitty but you need to forgive me." Cas said. Dean scoffed loudly and looked over at Cas. "I told you pretty much the whole reason as to why I left."

"There's more?" Dean asked. Cas nodded. "Great, this is where you tell me you cheated or some shit."

"Please, give me some fucking credit Dean Winchester. Like I could have fucked an ass better than yours." Cas said. There it was, the famous dirty Cas mouth. "No, I think I left because I was scared. I heard what you said to your father then I thought about it, I realised that the last crazy thing I had done had been marrying you in Vegas. That had been two years before. Two years. It shook me up. I panicked."

"No shit." Dean muttered. "So you divorced me because you were a fucking idiot who freaked the fuck out?" Dean asked. 

"Yeah...pretty much. God Dean, I fucked up so much. I just cut you all out because I felt like I needed to get away from it all. Start over...you know?"

"If you're looking for sympathy you're not going to get it." Dean warned.

"You really can't forgive me can you?" Cas asked. "It's been years and you can't even think of forgiving me?"

"No Cas, I really can't. You knew when you married me that I'm a stubborn asshole so why are you acting so surprised?" Dean snapped. "Why should I forgive you? You just swan in here like we should all just forgive you for fucking off. You just act like this isn't a huge thing."

"Of course it's a huge thing, I was shy scared of coming here. I nearly didn't bother getting on my plane because I wasn't sure if I was ready to face everyone. Sure I've spoken to Jimmy in the past few years but I hadn't seen him." Cas said.

"World's tiniest violin." Dean said. Cas glared at him but Dean didn't back down. They only looked away when the back door opened and Jimmy came walking out, large coffee mug in hand.

"Mornin'" he yawned before he noticed Cas' glaring look. "Oh fuck me, what is it now?"

"Your best man is a cock." Cas snapped at Jimmy. “I’m not fucking doing this any fucking more. I’ve apologised over and over again and he’s just acting like a massive cock.” Cas added standing up, flicking his cigarette onto the grass and storming back into the house.

"You know, I never thought I would say this but I miss the days when you two used to fuck in the bathroom and leave come stains on the shower tiles." Jimmy huffed. "I don't know if I should suggest fucking it out or having a fight to the death."

"I'd rather he just not be here." Dean muttered between drags of his cigarette.

"Well he is here, he's my brother Dean so grow the fuck up." Jimmy said. 

"Since when were you on his side?"

"Since birth? He's my twin brother, I may love you Dean and class you as family but Cas is my blood." Jimmy said. "Stop snapping at him, he's trying to fix this."

"He's doing a fucking shit job." Dean pointed out. 

"You're not making it easy for him, you dickhead." Jimmy said. Dean stopped. He knew that, he knew he was being a complete asshole to Cas but really he couldn't stop himself. He was still hurt, angry and bitter. True, he still loved Cas but that wasn't enough to undo all the pain. 

“He really didn’t make it easy for me when he walked out.” Dean pointed out.

“Ok enough, get off your ass and get in the kitchen.”

“What?”

“Kitchen, now.” Jimmy snapped pointing at the door. Dean sighed, rolled his eyes and stubbed his cigarette out. Picking up his cocoa he walked back into the kitchen with Jimmy. Cas was stood by the coffee machine waiting for it to beep.

“Someone looks pissy.” Cas said.

"Right, enough is enough.” Jimmy said. "Both of you are going to stand here and talk for fuck sake! You're going to talk about all the shit that went down and work things out. If either of you fuck up this wedding then that's it. I'll be done with both of you." Jimmy said and by his tone he really meant it. He gave Dean a long look before leaving the room.

Cas stared at Dean for a long beat before his whole body seemed to slump. 

"I've spent two years travelling all over, trying to forget you but it's been so hard." Cas admitted as he chewed on his lip. He didn't look like the confident, cocky guy Dean had met all those years ago. He looked small, worn down and broken. 

"I can guarantee it was harder for me Cas." Dean shot back bitterly. "You knew why you left, I didn't have a clue."

"This isn't tit for tat Dean." Cas said sounding just as bitter as Dean. Like he had a right to be bitter. 

"You were travelling because you left me." Dean pointed out.

"Because I thought you didn't want me!" Cas said as his voice rose. 

"All I ever wanted was you! From the moment I met you I wanted you! I wanted every single part of you and I loved every single part of you! When you left I was broken! Don't you get that?"

"Dean-"

"No, listen to me Cas. I was broken. I fucking cried myself to sleep for weeks after you left! I couldn't even stand looking at Jimmy! I couldn't do anything because my husband, the man I loved, walked out on me and left me with nothing but divorce papers!" Dean yelled. "I drowned myself in alcohol and work for months after. I tried calling you, I tried looking for you but you didn't want to be found. I loved you Cas. I fucking loved you."

"And now?" Cas asked. 

"Now what? What do you want me to say? That I still love you? That I couldn't get rid of this shitty tattoo because I thought maybe you would come home? That all I want is for you to come back to me?"

"Yes. Yes I want you to say that!" Cas said. "I want you to fight for me Dean!"

"Well fuck you, because it's too late." Dean said turning away from Cas and heading towards the kitchen door.

"What are you doing?" Cas asked. "We're supposed to be talking."

"I'm walking away, recognise the gesture?" 

"You're such an asshole Dean."

"I'm the asshole? Yeah right."

"Yes you are an asshole. You're an asshole because you're not letting me speak." 

"Shouldn't have left me then."

"Oh go fuck yourself Dean Winchester!" Cas yelled. "Fuck off back home to fucking Kansas and don't even try to let me tell you that I still fucking love you!"

"What?"

"I still love you."  Cas said. "I've been trying to tell you ever since I got here that I still love you. I made a massive goddamn mistake leaving and I made an even bigger mistake divorcing you because I still love you." Cas fumed. "Get that through that thick fucking skull of yours. I still love you. I never stopped loving you."

_Holy fuck._


	7. Chapter 7

"Get that through that thick fucking skull of yours. I still love you. I never stopped loving you." Cas fumed. His eyebrows knitted together.

As the words sunk in the air in kitchen felt so heavy Dean could hardly breathe. Cas' words kept ringing in his ears. Dean stared at his ex-husband for a long time until the alarm on his phone buzzed. Sam's plane was due to arrive in thirty minutes. Talk about perfect fucking timing.

"Shit, Sam's plane is getting in soon." Dean said when Cas gave Dean’s phone a confused look.

"Oh…I guess that this conversation is over then." Cas said sounding broken. 

"Um...want to come with me?" Dean asked. This was him offering an olive branch right. Well, a ride with him to the airport. Cas looked at him with surprise then he smiled. Actually smiled. Fuck, Dean hadn't realised how much he had missed that smile. "We don't have to get changed or shit, it's just Sam. He won't care if we're just in our sweats." Dean said nodding at the Stones shirt Cas was wearing. 

"Ok...lets get going then." Cas said pulling his phone out his pocket. "I'll text Jimmy and tell him where we're going." He added as they walked out the house towards the impala. As Dean was sliding into the driver's seat his phone buzzed with a text. 

_You leave my brother on the side of the road and I'm murdering you._

_Come on Jim, what's the worst that could happen?_

_Last time you two drove somewhere you got fucking married._ Jimmy shot back.

 _Low blow_ Dean sent back before he threw his phone onto the dashboard and started up the car. ACDC blasted from the stereo. Dean lowered the volume slightly as not to wake the neighbours. 

"Wow, I've missed this car." Cas said wistfully. 

"Well she is a beauty." Dean said absentmindedly as he pulled out the street. 

"Remember when we were in Texas?" Cas asked with a smirk. Dean rolled his eyes. "It wasn't that bad Dean." Cas said, his smirk changing to a pout. 

"Dude, you nearly crashed my baby!" Dean said. 

"You were making 'fuck me' eyes."

"I was just looking at you!" Dean shot back. 

"You naturally have 'fuck me' eyes." Cas said a shrug. "Man...I really screwed up."

"By nearly crashing my car?" Dean asked even though he knew that wasn't what Cas was talking about. 

"No, by leaving. I thought it was the right thing but it really wasn't. I knew almost as soon as I did it that it was the wrong thing to do. When you signed the papers I was fucking wreaked. I knew I had fucked it all." Cas said. "By the time I got the nerve to talk to Anna she screamed at me that I had broken you. I was too scared to try and reach out to you. I tried to lose myself instead."

"I guess I did the same thing. I lost myself in work and booze."

"See I just did it in places."

"And people?" Dean asked. He wondered if there had been anyone else for Cas in the past two years. Cas shook his head. 

"No...no. Like I said, I never stopped loving you. Being with someone else would have felt like cheating if we were divorced." Cas said. "Was there anyone else for you?" He asked even though it looked like he really didn't want to know the answer. 

"Nah, I threw myself into work." Dean said. He just couldn’t have imagined moving on to someone else when he had planned on spending his entire life with Cas.

"I'm sorry I suggested that you and Anna had something when I first saw you.” Cas said sounding genuinely apologetic. “That was a real dick move. She told me after that you two were just friends."

"Yeah...she was there for me after but not in that way. She just looked after me. Held me when I cried and all that shit." Dean said. "Actually slapped me at one point."

"She slapped you?" Cas asked.

"Yeah. Fucking hurt as well. You'd been gone, what, two months? A load of mail from KU came for you and I just lost it. I'd been drinking all day and she came round and just lost it. She slapped me across the face and told me to get a grip. She threw everything away, poured all the alcohol in the house away and threw my ass in the shower." Dean explained. Cas grew quiet and chewed on his lip. "Look, it happened and I got through it. It hurt and it sucked but I got through it."

"But..."

"But what?"

"But you still love me?" Cas asked looking hopeful. 

"yeah…I guess, like you, I never really stopped loving you. That kind of love doesn't just go away Cas. It just goes to sleep for a while, waiting to be awoken again I guess." Dean said glancing over at Cas who was now staring at him with a look of longing. Fuck, way to make it hard to concentrate on the road Cas. 

"You know, the first time I met you I wanted to kiss you." Cas said. 

"I wanted to punch you." Dean admitted. 

"I thought you were an innocent farm boy that I could corrupt." Cas said with a wicked smile. 

"I thought you were a foul mouth hipster who needed a week long nap." Dean said rolling his eyes. "And that your tattoos were intriguing."

"You always had a kink for my ink." Cas said folding his arms across his chest proudly showing off his inked arms. 

"I also loved that shirt before you stole it." Dean pointed out. Cas looked down at his shirt and smirked. "Stop smirking, I'm still mad at you." Dean said.

"No you're not, you're in love with me." Cas said. Fucking dickhead.

"You're a fucking asshole Castiel Novak." Dean muttered.

"I miss being Castiel Winchester." Cas said, all the humour leaving his voice. Dean sighed heavily because he and Cas could joke all they wanted to but there was still a giant elephant in the room. Well car. 

"Yeah...I miss you being Castiel Winchester too." Dean admitted. The rest of the trip to the airport was driven in silence. Dean pulled up to the pick up point and parked. Sam was due any second but he'd probably be some time. "Gets get some coffee, we’ve got a few minutes." Dean said.

"Ok." Cas said as he climbed out the car. He went to walk towards the entrance.

"Cas wait." Dean called as he locked the impala.

Cas stopped and as he turned around Dean grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him in for a kiss. The first kiss they had shared in two years. As soon as Dean's lips met Cas' a fire erupted in his chest. Longing he hadn't felt in so long surged through his whole body. He had been trying to deny it all week but he had missed Cas so much. When he pulled away Cas was staring at him in total shock.

"What was that for?" Cas asked. 

"I just felt like I needed to do that before you left again."

"Left again?"

"Well after this you're probably going off to South East Asia or somewhere right?" Dean asked. Cas shrugged. 

"I guess...lets...lets go get Sam." Cas said lacing his fingers through Dean's. "Is this ok?" He asked looking down at their entwined fingers. Dean could feel his heart hammering against his chest as he felt Cas’ hand tighten his grip. Clearly he didn’t want to let go.  

"It's a busy airport, can't lose you. Jimmy will kill me." Dean said. 

\---

It was easy to spot Sam in arrivals. He stood almost a head above everyone else in his Stanford sweater and as soon as he spotted Dean his face broke out into a huge smile. Once he spotted Cas the smile faltered, even more so when he saw their laced fingers. Sam ambled over to them, backpack and garment bag slung over his shoulder while he gave Dean a quizzical look.

“Ok…was that plane a time machine or something?” Sam asked. “Is it two years ago? Are you guys married still? Do I have to sit through my high school graduation again? Because that shit was boring as fuck.” Sam said looking between Dean and Cas.

“It’s a long story Sam ok?” Dean said letting go of Cas’ hand and punching his brother on the arm. “And stop bringing up the fucking marriage ok? That rule hasn’t changed.” He added giving his brother another punch while Sam whinged. All the while Cas stood there looking incredibly awkward. He really wasn’t that much shorter than Sam, unlike most people, but now he looked very small. It must have been nerves.

“Hello Sam.” Cas said when Sam looked over at him.

“Hey there Cas.” Sam said. “Been a long time.” Sam added. Dean almost groaned because this was the most awkward encounter ever.

“Yeah it has.” Cas said looking incredibly uncomfortable.

“So…all set to head to this wedding thing? You got any baggage to declare?” Dean asked his brother. Sam shook his head and looked between Dean and Cas.

“Nah, I’ll leave that to you two.” Sam said with raised eyebrows. Once again Dean almost groaned but refrained but doing it. Instead he grabbed Sam’s bag from him and motioned for his brother and Cas to follow him.

The three of them were pretty quiet in the car and Dean could tell that Sam wanted to ask him about million questions. That was mainly because Sam was shooting him about fifty bitchy looks from the back seat.

“So who is at this wedding anyway?” Sam asked after about ten minutes.

“Obviously Jimmy and Amelia.”

“Funny Dean.” Sam bitched. “Seriously, anyone I know?”

“Actually yeah. At least, I think. You know a girl called Jessica Moore? She’s Amelia’s cousin but she goes to Stanford. Apparently she might know people you know.”

“Jess Moore is here? As in the Jess Moore?” Sam asked suddenly looking like a nervous fifteen year old. “Blonde? Inhumanly gorgeous?” Sam pressed. “That Jess Moore?”

“Dude I’m a fan of dick, I don’t really look at girls like that anymore.” Dean said bluntly. He didn’t miss Cas’ smug expression at that comment. “But yeah, I think it is that Jess Moore. I’m guessing that you know her.”

“Sort of." Sam said. "She’s friends with friends of mine. I’ve never had the guts to talk to her though.” He admitted. 

“So basically you have a crush on her but you’re too much of a pussy to do anything about it?” Cas asked turning around to look at Sam.

“You’re sounding pretty cocky considering you walked out on my brother and broke his heart.” Sam shot back. Wow, clearly Sam liked this girl because he never got this touchy when Dean ribbed him about girls in the past. “So…are we going to talk about the hand holding?” Sam pressed.

“No. We’re not going to talk about the hand holding.” Dean said. Cas shot him a look but Dean just carried on driving. This car journey was taking far too long.

“Are we going to talk about the fact that Cas is still in love with you?” Sam intoned from the back seat. Dean was tempted to stop the car and punch his brother.

“You told him?” Cas asked Dean sounding pissed off.

“He’s my brother! You tell Jimmy everything. It’s obvious that I would tell Sam what you said. I didn’t know what to do so I rang Sam for advice.” Dean said. Cas still looked pissed off…that was until a wicked look came across his face.

“Fine. If that’s how it’s going to be.” Cas said turning around once again to look at Sam. “I might be in love with him still but Dean was the one who kissed me right before we met up with you.” He said sounding incredibly smug. “Tongues and everything.” He added while Sam looked scandalised. “We’re probably going to fuck by the end of the weekend.”

“Cas!” Dean snapped.

“He started it!” Cas said sounding like a small child. Dean actually pulled his eyes away from the road for a second to stare at Cas. He was a fully grown man. A fully grown man with stubble, thick muscles and tattoos yet he was, fucking sounding like a petulant four year old.

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise my ex-husband had turned into a complete child in the past two years.” Dean said while Cas sat and pouted. Sam made a self-righteous looking face from the backseat that Dean caught in the mirror. “Don’t you dare say a word.” Dean warned Sam. Sam opened his mouth to speak. “One word and I’m telling Jessica that you fancy her.” Dean threatened. Sam’s mouth swiftly snapped shut. “I mean it, one more word from either of you and you can walk back.” Dean warned.

The rest of the journey went by in total silence. 


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Dean, Cas and Sam got back to the house it was full of people setting up the wedding. Anna was running around like a headless chicken, already in her bridesmaid dress, and yelling random people. Dean was just climbing out the car when Anna came running down the driveway dressed in her pyjamas, she must have come straight from her mother’s house.

“Where the hell have you been? You should have been here thirty minutes ago!” Anna yelled. Dean rolled his eyes at Cas. “Don’t you roll your eyes Dean Winchester! You need to be in your suit because Amelia will be here in an hour!” Anna added with a snap.

“Anna you need to calm the fuck down.” Cas said. The usually cool, unless she was planning a wedding, Anna turned to her elder brother and it honestly looked like her hair was on fire along with her cheeks.

"Don't you start with me." Anna hissed.

"What did I do?" Cas asked.

“I didn’t even know you were going to be here until less than a week because you never replied to any of my _fifteen_ emails so you can be quiet, go and put your suit on and do not make a scene.” Anna hissed. Dean had known Anna for as long as he had known Jimmy and he had never been this scared of her.

“Ok Anna.” Cas muttered shooting Dean a quick look before walking into the house. Dean knew that there was still so much that the two of them needed to talk about, mainly the fact that Dean had kissed him not too long ago.  

“I’m going to get ready as well…find Jimmy...general best man shit.” Dean muttered while Anna still stood there and glared.

“You do that, I’m going to have a lovely catch up with Sam because he hasn’t done anything to irritate me.” Anna said shooting Sam a smile.

“Give it time.” Dean muttered as he walked into the house. He wasn’t too surprised when he found Cas in his room. He was getting changed into his suit, which basically meant Cas was stood in Dean’s room in nothing out a pair of sweatpants. Damn, Cas was right. Dean really did have a kink for the ink. All he wanted to do was lick every inch of Cas’ tattooed skin. That made a change seeing as he had mainly wanted to punch him over the past week.

“Hey.” Cas said. There was a serious look on his face and Dean knew that they really needed to talk. “Big day today huh?” He added.

“Tell me about it, it’s all I’ve heard for weeks.” Dean said with a sigh.

“A bit different from our wedding.”

“You mean the one that neither of us can really remember thanks to drinking our weight in booze?” Dean asked. Cas snorted loudly and gave Dean a roll of his eyes. “You want to talk about earlier on don’t you?” Dean added because he could read Cas like a book.

“Yeah…I mean…you kissed me.” Cas pointed out.

“I’ve kissed you millions of times before.” Dean quipped trying to lighten the mood.

“Not when we’ve divorced for like two years.” Cas said being serious for once.

“Shit…I really don’t know what to do here Cas. I don’t know what to do or what to say. I’m still in love with you, I’ve never stopped loving you and seeing you after all this time has just brought up all these memories.” Dean said trying to control his voice because he could feel his chest tighten yet again. “I just…I don’t know what you want.”

“You’re an idiot Dean Winchester.” Cas said walking up to Dean and closing the space between them. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I should never have left because I’ve missed you ever since I left. I want you.” He said firmly before he pulled Dean in for a kiss.

The kiss that Cas gave him was a lot more passionate than the one that Dean had given Cas in the airport parking lot. Dean could feel the heat in his chest swiftly rising. His hands were roaming all over Cas’ bare skin, fingers tracing the patterns of Cas intricate tattoos. Before Dean even realised what was happening Cas was pulling his shirt off so Dean was bare chested just like Cas. Cas was pushing Dean towards his bed and this was going about a million miles an hour but Dean couldn’t stop.

He didn’t want to think about what was going on at all. He just wanted to feel close to Cas again. It didn’t matter that he was still mad at him, even after the kiss at the airport, he just wanted to feel his skin against Cas’. Sweatpants and boxer were soon on the floor as they both crashed against dean’s bed. It didn’t matter that they were supposed to be at a wedding in an hour. Right now it was just about them.

“I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so fucking much.” Cas was saying. “I’m done running. I’m done hiding from my life.” He said between frantic and furious kisses.

Dean could hardly think, he could hardly breathe. There was a nagging voice in the back of head told him to slow this shit down because a day before Dean could have easily punched Cas in the face. Now they were basically naked and dry humping like fifteen year old. Actually that nagging voice sounded a lot like his brother which was not something he really wanted to think about when naked with Cas.

“Are either of you going to help-holy fucking shit!” Jimmy yelled as he came into the room. He quickly covered his eyes and bashed into the doorframe in his haste to get out the room. “What the fuck is going on?” They heard Jimmy yelling as he hurried down the hallway. “What the fuck?”

“Ok...it’s safe to say my brother as ruined the mood.” Cas said with a snort.

“Probably for the best…we do have a wedding to go to.” Dean said pulling himself away from Cas. “We’ll talk about this later ok?” Dean said because he wasn’t just going to ignore all this shit going between him and Cas.

“Can’t we just skip the talking and just do this?” Cas asked raising an eyebrow.

“You really haven’t changed at all.” Dean said shaking his head. “I’m going to get dressed and find Jimmy.” He said. Cas huffed loudly. “What?”

“Not getting away that easy, it’s been two years. I’m making up for lost time.” Cas said pulling Dean back in for another kiss. Cas was just slipping his tongue into Dean’s mouth when there came a hammering on the door.

“Stop making out like teenagers and get dressed! I preferred it when you two were screaming at each other!” Anna yelled from the other side of the door. “Seriously Dean, this isn’t the time to get your rocks off. The wedding is going to be starting soon! Guests are arriving!”

“We’re not doing anything.” Cas lied as he grinned wickedly at Dean. Damn, Cas really was going to be the death of him.

“Don’t give us that shit, we already know you’re both naked.” Came Sam’s voice. “Jimmy texted Anna about his emotional scarring.”

“I hate this whole family.” Dean muttered grabbing his boxers, pulling them on then grabbing his suit. He checked to see if Cas was covered by the bed covers before opening the door. He was met with both Anna and Sam’s judgemental faces. “Stop screaming, we’re getting ready.” Dean muttered as he pushed past them.

“Trying to have sex with my brother is not ‘getting ready’” Anna said. “You two have the weirdest relationship ever. I don’t know if I prefer you two yelling at each other.”

\---

Dean found Jimmy in Anna’s room, sat on the bed and staring at his shoes as if they held all the secrets to the universe. As Dean came into the room Jimmy looked up then back down. Dean couldn’t help but notice the green tinge of his skin.

“If you’re going to hurl then try to do it away from your suit.” Dean said.

“I think I’m going to vomit.”

“Is this ‘cause you’re getting married or you saw me and Cas?”

“Married. No, you and Cas. Maybe both.” Jimmy mumbled. “Did you feel like this before you married Cas?”

“I had spent the whole day drinking my weight in booze. I don’t remember what I was thinking before I married Cas.” Dean said. Jimmy groaned loudly because that obviously wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “I knew it was a good idea though, you know? I knew that I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted to wake up every morning with him and grow old with him. All that shit.” Dean added with a shrug. Jimmy lifted his head again and he really did look like he was going to throw up.

“But…it didn’t work out like that.” Jimmy pointed out.

“No it didn’t because your brother is a fucking moron.” Dean said. Jimmy frowned. “I’m not going to start shouting about it again. Cas and I are…”

“Getting naked again?”

“Working things out.” Dean said rolling his eyes. “Ok, enough about me and Cas because it feels like that’s all I’ve talked about this week.” He said firmly. “I’ve got a question.”

“Which is what?”

“You love Amelia right?” Dean asked. After all the bullshit he had gone through over the past few weeks he wasn’t about to let Jimmy talk himself out of the wedding.

“Of course I do.” Jimmy said.

“She’s the one you want to wake up next to and everything right?” Dean pressed. He had listened to Anna talk about chair coverings for over an hour. There was no fucking way he was going through that for nothing.

“Well…yeah. I love her. She’s my whole world.” Jimmy said.

“Then man the fuck up Jim.” Dean said bluntly. “Stop looking at your shoes, swallow down your vomit then go and get married. I’ve already lost the love of my life, I don’t want you to lose yours.”

“You haven’t lost him, you do know that?” Jimmy asked. “He’ll always be yours.”

“He’ll always be mine.” Dean said holding up his hand so that his tattoo was visible. “Everyone gets nervous before they get married, it’s pretty fucking obvious Jim. Amelia is probably having the same conversation with Jess right now.”

“I doubt Jess is telling her to man the fuck up.” Jimmy pointed out. Dean punched Jimmy on the arm. “I also doubt Jess is doing it while standing around in her underwear because she was rolling around on a bed with my twin brother.” He added giving Dean a stern look that said ‘get the fuck dressed you man whore’.

“Don’t mention Jess in her underwear in front of Sam, he might combust.”

“What the hell have I missed?” Jimmy asked. “You and Cas fuck off to the airport and now you two are practically fucking again and Sam is in love with Amelia’s cousin?”

“It was an action packed journey.”

“I really hope that means you and Cas actually talked and that we didn’t have another Texas situation.”

“Hey, that was Cas’ fault not mine.” Dean said while he got changed into his suit. “And apparently Sam knows Jess from Stanford. He’s been loving her from afar since he started.”

“All I wanted was a nice back yard wedding, simple and drama free. No, that was never going to happen when I’ve got the Winchesters as my family.” Jimmy mumbled more to himself.  

“Sucks to be you Novak.” Dean said clapping Jimmy on the back. “So…ready to get married?” He asked.

“More ready than you were. I, for one, am sober.” Jimmy said sounding incredibly smug. “Plus I’m not getting married by a fat Elvis.” He added.

“Wow, I really hope you fall on your smug fucking face sometime during today.” Dean said rolling his eyes. “Then we can all give you shit about your wedding and people can stop shitting over mine.” He added, more to himself than to Jimmy. Before this week any talk about Cas, his marriage or his divorce had been a no go area. Just because he and Cas were slowly getting on some sort of track didn’t mean that Jimmy could piss all over his drunken, Vegas wedding.

“I really love you Dean, I’m so glad we’re best friends and family.” Jimmy said sounding only slightly sarcastic.

\---

Anna banged on the door just as Dean and Jimmy were finishing off getting ready. Dean shot Jimmy a quick look and Jimmy replied with a nod. He was ready, he was ready to go off and get married. Dean opened the door to see Anna stood there with Cas. Fuck, Dean had forgotten that Cas would be wearing a perfectly tailored suit that fit him like a second skin. Before this week the last time Dean had seen Cas in a suit had been the night of their anniversary. That had been over two years ago now and Cas still looked just as good as he had done that night. Cas shot Dean a quick smile which he returned without a second thought.

“Amelia is going to be here soon, are we all ready?” Anna asked. Anna’s dress was the palest of greens and it made her look radiant.

“Wow, you look amazing.” Dean said. Anna blushed furiously. “Damn you Novak siblings and all your winning genetics.” He added with a grin.

“Oh yeah, like you’re one to talk Mr Walking Wet Dream.” Anna said rolling her eyes.

“Please never say that again.” Dean said while both Jimmy and Cas screwed up their faces in disgust.

“I agree.” They both said at the same time.

“We’re all thinking it.” Anna said with a shrug of her pale shoulders.

“I’ve never thought that.” Jimmy said, still looking at Anna with disgust. Cas, however, shrugged in a similar fashion to Anna.

“I’ve thought it most days.” He admitted. Dean rolled his eyes and turned to Jimmy.

“Come on Novak, let’s get you married.” Dean said. “You gonna throw up?” he asked because Jimmy had started to look a bit green. Jimmy shook his head. “You sure? Cause you’re wearing really expensive shoes.” He knew that because Anna hadn’t shut up about the shoes for three days.

“I’m not gonna throw up, I’m gonna get married.”

“I threw up after I got married.” Cas said nonchalantly. Anna sighed loudly.

“That was from tequila, not because we got married.” Dean said punching Cas on the arm. Jimmy looked like he wanted to punch both of them, which was a strong possibility. “Seriously though, let’s go and get you married.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. Work and personal life has been a pain in the ass.

_Fuck me_ Dean thought as he stepped outside into the backyard. Anna has always kept the yard maintained but now it had been transformed into an idyllic country wedding location. Guests sat on delicate looking chairs. A large raised gazebo stood prominent over everything else. Flowers covered every surface possible. Honestly, it looked like a twenty-something year old’s Pinterest wedding board had vomited all over the place. Dean had to hand it to Anna, when she put her mind to something she could really pull off a party.

“Fucking hell, Anna knows how to throw a party.” Dean muttered to Cas.

“It’s like a fucking flower explosion went off.” Cas muttered back. “I’m glad our wedding wasn’t this tacky.”

“A fat, sweaty Elvis impersonator married us and you walked down the ‘aisle’ to ‘Hound Dog’.” Dean pointed out. Jimmy shot the two of them an irritated look. “What? I was saying _our_ wedding was tacky, not yours.”

“Shut up, both of you.” Jimmy said with a roll of his eyes. Dean snorted and the three of them made their way to the gazebo.

\---

“By the powers given to me by the state of Nevada I pronounce you husband and…husband?” The fat Elvis stood in front of Dean and Cas said, his impression was pretty shitty but who else could say they’d been married by Elvis? Well apart from everyone who had gotten married in Las Vegas. “You may now kiss each other.”

“Gonna do so much more than that.” Cas said drunkenly as he winked at Dean and pulled him into a fierce, biting kiss. Dean was drunk. Drunker that he had ever been in his life. He kissed Cas back with just as much passion as Cas. It didn’t matter that he was blind drunk, he knew that this was what he wanted. “I love you so fucking much Dean Winchester.”

“I love you too Cas.” Dean said as they staggered out of the small chapel. The late night streets were full of people, none of them seemed at all surprised by two drunk as fuck men stumbling and kissing as they made their way down the street.

“Know what I wanna do?” Cas said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“What do you wanna do Cas?” Dean asked, laughing at his husband. Fuck, his _husband_. That was seriously going to take some getting used to. It was going to be strange but in a good way. An exciting way.

“Go back to our hotel room and fuck you senseless.” Cas whispered right into Dean’s ear as his hands travelled downwards, cupping Dean’s denim covered crotch. “Then do that every night for the rest of our lives. ‘Cause you’re my husband.” Cas added while grinding his hips. Dean had never seen him this drunk before and honestly, it was hilarious.

“You’re so drunk right now.” Dean said with snort. “ _I’m_ so drunk right now.” He added. Cas pulled him in for another kiss. God, he could drown in Cas’ kisses.

“Drunk on love…fuck…that was cheesy.” Cas said. “Don’t let me drink tequila again…makes me cheesy as fuck.” Dean snorted yet again as the pair of them stumbled back to their hotel. Sure he was drunk as hell but Dean knew without that he’d be feeling pretty damn great right about now. There was him, Cas and the open. So far it had been the craziest road trip Dean had ever been on and it was only going to become crazier.

“Damn, I really love you.” Dean gushed. He meant it too.

\---

Cas’ smiling face, half hidden by sunglasses. Windows rolled right down and the burning hot sunlight drowning his face with glorious sunlight. The radio turned up high. Cas pretending to not be singing along to Dean’s music but blushing whenever Dean caught his eye. Those months spent on the road were the happiness months of Dean’s life. Just him and Cas exploring the country and growing more and more in love.

That’s what Dean thought about as he watched Amelia walking outside, Jess and Anna at her side. She was glowing as she glided down the aisle. Music swelled as she reached the end of the aisle and it wasn’t until Cas nudged Dean that Dean realised several people were crying. Jimmy being one of them. Scattered memories of Dean’s own wedding flitted through his brain. While Amelia and Jimmy’s wedding was full of flowers, smiling people and music Dean and Cas’ had been one full of alcohol, blurred memories and flashing lights. He wouldn’t have changed it for anything though. Of course he would have changed how the marriage ended but while they were married Dean had never been happier.

He looked over at Cas and gave him a small smile. He knew that Cas was thinking about their own wedding as well. It wasn’t that they were selfish, they both knew this was Jimmy’s big day, but so much had happened between them over the years that it was impossible to not think about their relationship. Cas returned the smile as Jimmy and Amelia spoke the words so many had spoken before.

Cas slowly moved closer to Dean and took his hand tentatively. Dean held on tightly to tell Cas he was there, he knew that Cas was sorry. That if they could go back in time and change everything then they would. He really didn’t know how they could make this work, Dean didn’t even know if they _could_ make it work but damn, he wanted to at least give it a try.

“Do you, James Novak, take Amelia Hailey Everett to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“It just doesn’t feel the same without the Elvis impression.” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear. Anna shot the pair of them a stern look.

“I do.” Jimmy said.

“You’re going to get us kicked out.” Dean whispered back to Cas. This time Jess joined in with the glaring.

“And do you, Amelia Hailey Everett, take James Novak to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“And they’ve done this all without tequila. Who knew it was possible?” Cas muttered.

“I do.” Amelia said. The look Anna was giving Cas and Dean was bordering on threatening. She mouthed ‘I’m warning you’ as Amelia said her ‘I do’.

“By the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.” Jimmy gently cupped Amelia’s face as he brought her in for a tender kiss.

“Our kiss was hotter than that.” Cas said, this time not even close to a whisper.

“I swear to God, neither of you are ever coming to another wedding again.” Anna hissed over the applause from the guests.

“He’s right though, our kiss was hotter than that.” Dean said with a smug grin at Anna.

“Their kiss won’t end in divorce.” Anna quipped. Anna always knew the fastest way to piss Dean off and that was by mentioning the divorce. Cas glared over at Anna but let it slide because in that moment it wasn’t about them, it was all about Jimmy and Amelia.

\---

“Have you even spoken to her yet?” Dean asked as he watched his younger brother looking over at Jess for what seemed like the tenth time in a matter of minutes.

“I can’t just walk over to her, she doesn’t really know me.” Sam said. The garden was now full of guests, both those who were at the wedding and those only there for the reception. Jess was stood with Anna and Amelia, all three of them laughing at something Cas was saying.

“Seriously dude, you know the same people and you both go to the same genius school. Just walk over there and talk to her.” Dean said.

“And I should take your advice? We were all trying to get you and Cas to talk for ages. You were too stubborn to take our advice.”

“Sam, I was seeing my ex-husband for the first time in two years. You’re just talking to a girl you’ve got a crush on. It’s a whole different story.” Dean said. Sam snorted loudly. “I’ve got a point and you know it little brother.” Dean added. He saw that Sam was about to say something else but stopped when he noticed Cas, Anna and Jess walking towards them. Jess gave Sam a welcoming smile.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Jess.” She said while Sam went red. “You’re friends with Brady right?” She asked.

“Um…yeah. How do you know Brady?” Sam asked. Thank God he could actually speak.

“He’s dated several of my best friends. He’s quite the scoundrel.” Jess said with a chuckle. “He’s not a bad guy though.”

“He has his moments.” Sam said.

“I’ve seen you around campus and Brady’s mentioned you a few times. It’s crazy that it’s taken a wedding for us to final meet.” Jess said. She twirled her carefully curled blonde hair and gave Sam a dazzling smile. Dean had to hand it to her, the girl knew how to flirt and get what she wanted. Anna gave Dean a smirk as if to say that she had played a hand in whatever Jess was about to say. “When we’re back on campus…maybe we could go for a drink or something.” Sam looked thrown by that but nodded all the same. Come on Sammy, say something. Nodding just looks like you’re not really into it.

“Yeah…yeah. I’d like that.” Sam stammered out. Cue another smug look from Anna. Cas rolled his eyes and turned to Dean.

“Wanna dance or something?” He asked Dean with a hopeful look.

“You dance?” Anna asked with a scoff. Cas nudged her on the arm. From the look on Anna’s face it hurt.

“I can sway to the fucking music.” Cas said before motioning for Dean to follow him. He led Dean out onto the dancefloor, which was really nothing more than wooden flooring put down onto the lawn. Without saying a word Cas pulled Dean in close.

“We don’t dance.” Dean said into Cas’ ear. Cas let out a small chuckle. “I’m just sayin’ Cas, we never dance.”

“Yeah well we’re rewriting everything.” Cas said. Dean pulled away ever so to look into his ex-husband’s eyes. Cas _meant_ it. He wanted to change what had happened between them. “I know I’m going to have to climb a fucking mountain to get you to trust me again but it’s want I want. Is…is that something that you would want?”

“The past few years have sucked, really sucked. I missed you but I was so angry that I didn’t want to miss you.” Dean explained. “But I have missed you and maybe we can work something out.” He said.

He really hoped that they could work something out. That would be hard though. Cas had spent that last two years wandering the globe, hopping from country to country. He hadn’t even been back in the States before the week of the wedding, as far as Dean knew anyway. How could they even try and sort out their fractured relationship if Cas wasn’t even near Kansas? Dean’s whole life was there. He would be starting work with Jimmy once the summer was over and he had firmly planted roots in Kansas. He couldn’t up sticks and follow Cas around the globe.

“I’m really hoping we can.” Cas said pulling Dean closer. “In fact there’s-” Cas started to say before they were interrupted by and grinning Anna.

“Your brother is so in love with Jess.” She said grabbing a glass of champagne from the nearest waiter. “I’ve even moved seats around so they’re sitting next to each other for the rest of the evening. I’m so good at this.” She added, looking even more smug than before.

“Well you’re shit at not interrupting people.” Cas said snippily.

"Oh my god, have you told him yet?" Anna asked looking between Dean and Cas. Dean looked at her with a confused look. Cas chewed on his bottom lip.

"Told me what?" He asked. He didn't like the idea of Anna keeping something from him. “What’s going on?”

“Honestly I was just about to tell you.” Cas said. “I mean it.”

“Tell me what Cas?” Dean pressed.

"I'm...I'm moving back to Kansas after the wedding. I've put a deposit down on an apartment in Kansas City. I'm done with running, it's time to come home." Cas said. Cas' words hit Dean like a ton of bricks. He was coming home. The thing Dean had wanted to happen for two years was finally happening and he...he was terrified. 

"You're coming back?" Dean asked and Cas nodded. "Why?" 

"Are you thick Dean Winchester?" Anna asked rolling her eyes. "The past two years have been a massive cluster fuck."

"Anna Novak! Don't use that kind of language!" They heard Anna's mother yell before she dragged Anna away to chastise her. Anna groaned loudly, mainly about her spilt champagne. Dean looked back at Cas once Anna was gone.

"So you're coming back to Kansas?" He asked. Cas nodded, looking incredibly nervous. “Wow…I mean…fuck…”

"Yeah...originally I was going to tell you days ago but you have been pretty mad at me. I didn't think it would be this hard." Cas said. "I'm not expecting you just to let me back in...you know, back into everything but I've realised what a huge fucking mistake I made leaving you. I want us to start over." Cas said, still looking so nervous.

"Yeah...I kind of want that too." Dean admitted. "It's not gonna be like it was before Cas, you gotta know that." He said seriously and he meant that. He couldn't go back to how it was before Cas left, he couldn't just act like the past two years hadn't happened. “So much has happened. You left and broke my heart…I want to forgive you though because I do still love you. I mean that as well, after all the shit we’ve been though I still care and I want this to work.”

"I know, I've got a lot of making up to do." Cas said. "But I want you to let me make it up to you. Please Dean. Let me make it up to you." Cas’ voice lowered on the last few words.

“How are you planning on doing that?” Dean asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“You have a bedroom upstairs that’s empty and no one will notice if we disappear for an hour.” Cas said. Dean’s stomach flipped. He hadn’t been with Cas for two years. The thought of being with him again made him both nervous and excited.

“There’s one little snag there Cas Novak, I have to give my best man speech soon.” Dean said. Cas snorted loudly.

“Well we’ll have to be quick. No foreplay, just plain ol’ fucking.” Cas said bluntly. Most people would have blushed at Cas’ words but Dean was far too used to it. He’d heard much worse from Cas in the past.

“You make it sound so boring.” Dean quipped. Once again Cas snorted loudly.

“I know it’s been two years, so you may have forgotten a few things, but we were never boring.” Cas gave Dean a wink and took Dean’s hand. “You coming? I mean that in more ways than one as well.” He added. Same old blunt Cas humour. Despite his nerves Dean nodded and slowly followed Cas back into the house.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You lucky buttons, you get a mini-fight and naked times. Oh and a flashback. If you can spot all the shout-outs to the title (and therefore the song) then you get a cookie. A big one. Also, if this chapter makes no sense it's because it's late, it's been a long week (I turned 24 and was very drunk) and I need coffee.

With a beer bottle in his hand Dean sat in the dark apartment, the only light coming from the street lights outside, and he stared at the coffee table. The envelopes in front of him seemed to be mocking him. Cas’ name written on them along with the address he had, until the week before, resided in. He hadn’t bothered to tell anyone that he was leaving or where he had gone.

 _I know how that feels_ Dean thought as he took another sip of his beer. It must have been the seventh one of the evening but he didn’t even feel drunk. He didn’t feel anything. Cas was gone. Cas was gone, he wasn’t coming back so really Dean had no reason to feel anything.

“Dean? You here?” A voice called out as the front door opened. The first time that had happened Dean’s heart had stopped. He had been convinced it was Cas coming back. It hadn’t been. It never would be.

“Living room.” Dean called from the couch.

“Why are you sitting in the dark?” Anna asked as she switched on the main lights. Dean blinked at the brightness but didn’t say anything. “I brought dinner.”

“Not hungry.” Dean said holding up his beer bottle.

“Bullshit, you haven’t eaten properly in days.” Anna said placing the take-out bag on the coffee table. The cheesy smell of lasagne filled the room. “What are you doing?”

“I’m really not hungry.” Dean said before taking a gulp of beer. Anna snorted.

“Like I said, bullshit.” She said. “Now, what are you doing?” She asked. Dean reached over and picked up several envelopes. He held them up for Anna to see. “Oh.”

“Bank statements, job offers and his credit card bill.” Dean said with a sigh. “Fucker hasn’t changed his address. He’s left me but I still have to deal with his shit.”

“He hasn’t-”

“I signed the papers this morning.” Dean interrupted. That stopped Anna. She stared at him with a look of total shock. “It’s over.”

“You did _what_?” She asked. “Are you fucking insane?”

“No, no I’m not. I signed the papers. I’ve sent them to the fucking lawyers and they can track Cas down. They can tell him that our marriage is over. They can tell him that despite me loving him more anyone else in the goddamn fucking world I agreed to the divorce!” Dean snapped. He slammed the beer bottle down on the table and ignored the mess it made. Cas brought that damn coffee table, dean was tempted to burn the fucker.

“You’re just giving up?” Anna asked, she sank in the couch and continued to stare at Dean with watery eyes. As if she were on the brink of tears. “I can’t believe you’re just giving up so easily.”

“I’m not giving up…I’m putting all this shit behind me…this is what he wanted.” Dean said. His chest growing tight as he felt his own tears welling up. “I don’t know why he wanted it but this is what he wanted. It’s over. I couldn’t be the person he wanted, I could never meet all his expectations. He grew tired of me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Then why isn’t he here?” Dean asked, his voice growing loud. “Answer me that Anna. Why isn’t he here? I did _everything_ for him. I threw away so much…all for him. No one will ever love him as much as I do. That didn’t matter in the end because he still left me. He left.” Dean raged and this time he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Loud sobs escaped his throat.

Anna reached for him and pulled him into a crushing hug without him asking her to. She held on tightly as Dean broke down in her arms. Tears flowing down his face as he sobbed loudly. He hadn’t really cried since Cas left but now he couldn’t stop.

“I could kill him for this…I really could.” Anna said as Dean continued to cry into her shoulder. “If he knew what he was doing to you and to his family then…”

“Then what?” Dean mumbled. “He’d come back? Not fucking likely.”

“I hate him.”

“Don’t-”

“No Dean.” Anna said holding him away from her so he could look at her. “I hate him. I _hate_ him for breaking you. Don’t defend him, don’t think you can’t hate him because you love him because _I_ love him. It hasn’t done up any good because he’s broken everything.” She said firmly.

“It’s over…it’s really over Anna.” Dean sobbed. “I keep thinking he’ll just pick up when I call or that he’ll walk through the door. He’s not going to though. He’s left, he’s never coming back and he doesn’t love me anymore. He’ll move on, meet someone else and live the life I wanted to have with him.” He said as he continued to cry. He felt pathetic but if he didn’t cry he would scream. Anna pulled him back into her arms and held onto him, she let him sit there and cry for a long time. He cried until there was nothing left.

“One day you’ll look back on this and it won’t hurt. It feels impossible now but one day that will be true.” She said as she rubbed his back. “Someday this pain will be useful to you.”

“Did you just quote a book title?” Dean asked.

“Thought it would cheer you up.” Anna said.

“Getting shit faced will cheer me up.”

“Ok but lasagne first. Mary will have my guts if I let you die of alcohol poisoning.” Anna said. Dean sighed as Anna let go of him and went to heat up the lasagne. Someday his pain might be useful but now, now it was just fucking pain.  

\---

Dean's heart was hammering loudly. He was sure that Cas would be able to hear it as they snuck into the house. Trepidation consumed him with every step they took. A few days ago he never thought he would be here. A few days ago he was sure that he would never speak to Cas again after the weekend and yet here they were. He really didn't know what to think or how to even act. 

Still holding onto his hand tightly, Cas led them upstairs to Dean's room. It was only a few hours ago that they were up here, kissing and on the verge of something. Dean had to admit, he was terrified. 

"What's going on up there?" Cas asked, catching Dean's eyes and furrowing his brow. Dean looked back at him with a confused expression. "I know you Dean, it might have been a few years but I can still tell when you're overthinking something. What's wrong?"

"It's just...never thought we would be here again, y'know?" Dean admitted. "It feels weird."

"Good weird or bad weird?" Cas asked as he gently stroked his thumb across Dean's hand. "I don't want to push you into anything, I mean that as well. I know I'm all brash and blunt about shit but not when it comes to you. I care about you."

"I know that...just...we've been through some shit Cas, we really have." Dean said. 

"That's why I came here, to make all of that right. You've gotten know that by now." Cas said, stepping closer to Dean.

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't care. About you...about Jimmy...about Anna. I fucked up, I fucked up so bad, and I want to make everything right again." He slowly closed the space between them and, ever so slightly, kissed Dean on the lips.   
Dean almost collapsed into the kiss.

For all their talk there wasn't any haste. The frantic kisses from that morning melted away and all that was left was loving kisses. Real love. Because that's what it had been for Dean, that's what he and Cas once had. They had real love and Dean was desperate to feel that again. 

"Is this ok? Is this what you want?" Cas asked between kisses. Dean nodded his head. "I gotta hear you say it Dean...I need to hear you say it."

"This is what I want Cas." Dean said pulling Cas in for even more kisses.

Slowly Cas began to undress him, one item of clothing at a time and Dean did the same. Once again all the urgency from that morning had disappeared. Maybe Cas was just as scared as Dean.   
With careful steps Cas slowly backed Dean up against the bed. All the while his eyes constantly asking questions. Is this ok? Is this what you want? Are you scared I'll leave again? Do you still love me? 

"Yes..." Dean whispered. "Yeah Cas...I still love you...still scared you're gonna leave me."

"Not leaving." Cas said firmly as he took charge and pushed Dean down onto the bed and slowly began kissing a line along Dean's jaw and down his neck. Fuck, Dean had missed neck kisses.

Dean gripped onto Cas' arms, fingers digging into the inked skin. It was as if the past two years had never happened. Sure the pain was still there deep down but Cas knew Dean's body. He knew exactly where to kiss, touch or stroke to make Dean come completely undone. Dean was practically shaking by the time they were nothing but skin on skin. Heat enveloping help until he could barely breathe. 

With deft fingers Cas gently opened Dean up. Sweat was glistening across their body by this point and Dean was already far too close for his liking. When Cas kissed along his stomach and lightly bit on Dean's hip he was sure that he was going to implode. It had been too long since he'd been like this with anyone, let alone Cas. Beautiful, foul mouthed Cas who knew every inch of Dean's body like it was his own. 

"You ok? I'm not hurting you?" Cas asked. Dean shook his head. It had been two years since he'd last done this, it never felt right even thinking about sleeping with anyone else even after the divorce, but his body remembered everything. It remembered everything about Cas and was all too willing to comply. "Tell me if I hurt you."

"You're talking like this is our first time...actually you weren't this bad when it was our first time." Dean quipped. Cas groaned and bit on the jut of Dean's hip bone. Not hard but it still made Dean jump. "Asshole." He groaned. 

"We were both blind drunk during our first time."

"Crazy how all our stories involve alcohol." Dean pointed out. "We may have a problem."

"We'll have a bigger problem in a minute if you don't quit talking." Cas said bossily. God Dean had almost forgotten just how bossy Cas was in bed. Even when they were Dean always knew who was in charge. It wasn't him. "I mean it, tell me if I hurt you. Haven't done this for a long time."

"Funny how divorce made us celibate when it normally has the opposite effect on others."

"Stop bringing up the divorce when I'm trying to fuck you." Cas groaned. 

"Well I'm still pissy about the divorce." Dean shot back but the mocking tone in his voice made it seem like a joke.

"That's why I'm trying to fuck you, to make up for everything."

"Better get on with it then."

"Better stop talking then." Cas said, crawling up to capture Dean in a hot, passionate kiss. Ok that was more like it. Cas peppered Dean's body with kisses as he slowly, and ever so carefully, lined their bodies up. Dean was panting frantically by the time Cas entered. His breath stopping for a moment as his brain completely short circuited. “I love you Dean.” Cas gasped between thrusts. Dean could barely think let alone speak. He was so hyperaware of everything.

Cas pulled him in for a kiss that made Dean feel like his whole body was on fire. Yes Cas had hurt him, Cas had hurt him more than anyone else in his entire life, but _fuck_ Dean loved him so much. He really did love him and despite _everything_ they had been through he wanted something to work out.

“I love you too Cas.” Dean gasped as he could feel the hot coil of desire building in his body. Dean knew that they needed to be quick, he was after all giving a speech very soon. However, it had been so long since Dean had been with Cas. It had been so long since he had felt like this and he just wanted to freeze this moment. Freeze it and never have to face up to what would happen after.

“Dean I’m close…fuck, I’m really close.” Cas moaned. Dean dug his fingers into Cas’ skin and he could feel the muscles tightening. Cas was biting down on his lip, so hard it could have drawn blood. Yeah, he was definitely close. “Fuck, fuck Dean I’m really close.” Cas’ pace quickened and Dean could certainly fell that he too was at that point. “I’ve missed you so much Dean…so fucking much.” Cas said with a cry as he, along with Dean, rode out his orgasm.

Dean held onto Cas as their orgasms began to fade. Cas gingerly pulled out and collapsed against Dean. He stared at Dean, his brilliant blue eyes were wide and full of wonder.

“God I really have missed you.” He said, his voice ringing with honesty.

“I know…I’ve missed you too. I just…Cas, I wish that you hadn’t left me.” Dean said. Cas groaned, his eyes now lost all their wonder.

“I can’t…it’s impossible to go back and change everything but if I could, I would. You know I would. Leaving you is the biggest regret of my life and I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.” Cas said seriously as he peppered Dean’s collarbone was kisses. “Please believe me.”

“I want to believe you.” Dean said warily. He wasn’t sure though, Cas could just run out on him again.

“I’m moving back to Kansas Dean! I’m moving back because I want to work everything out between us. I’m moving back because I want to be with you, only you Dean.” Cas said, his voice raising as he moved away from Dean. “I’m trying here Dean! I am really fucking trying here!”

“I know, I _know_!” Dean said, god he should never have opened his damn mouth. “I just keep thinking about what’s going to happen. You could leave me again.”

“I’m not going to leave you Dean!” Cas cried. “Why can’t you see that? I came here to work things out, I came here because I missed you and I still love you! I wouldn’t leave you again! Please, please Dean…just see that. Fuck, why can’t you see that?”

Dean was about to reply, and damn did he have a reply, when he heard footsteps coming up the staircase. He held a hand for Cas to calm down. Both of them stopped.

“Dean? Yo Dean, you up here?” Shit, it was Sam. “Dean? Everyone is looking for you, you got a speech to do.”

“Gimme a minute Sammy!” Dean yelled from the bed.

“Guess this is over.” Cas said, as mask of sadness falling over his face. Dean shook his head and reached out for Cas. He pulled Cas back into him and cupped his face.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

“We can’t move past the di…me leaving. We can do this but…but what if we can’t move on?” Cas asked. "What if this is all we’re ever going to be?” He then added, his eyes still looking so damn sad. Dean sighed and pulled Cas in for a tender kiss.

“I’m still mad, I can’t pretend that I’m not. I…I love you though, I never stopped loving you.” Cas’ face brightened at that. “We…we can work through this.”

“Dean! What the hell are you doing in there? Will you hurry up?” Sam yelled from right outside the door. He was going to come into the room and see way more of Dean and Cas in a second.

“God damn Sam! I’ll be right out!” Dean yelled right back. Cas rolled his eyes despite the conversation they had been having before Sam interrupted them.

“He’s going to come barging into the room in a second, we better get going.” Cas said pulling away from Dean and grabbing his suit pants. “Are we…are we ok?” Cas asked nervously.

“We’re…yeah Cas…yeah we’re ok.” Dean said giving Cas a smile. Cas returned it but still looked sad. “Listen Cas, of course I’m still upset over what went down but, like you said, you’re moving back to Kansas and when you’re back there we can try to work through things.” He added holding out his hand for Cas to take. Cas sighed, pulled his suit pants on and moved back over to Dean. Once Cas’ hand was in his, Dean pulled him close and kissed him. Hard. “We’re gonna get through this Cas, right?”

“Yeah…yeah, we’re going to get through this shit.” Cas said.

“Dean! What the fuck is taking you so long?” Sam yelled. Dean groaned loudly. His brother was such a pissy bitch.

“I’m coming!” Dean called out before he turned back to Cas. “Better get going.”


	11. Chapter 11

“Where have you been?” Anna asked as Dean, Sam and Cas hurried back outside. She was joined by Jo and Jessica, who smiled brilliant at Sam. Dean smirked as Sam blushed furiously. “Why do you both smell the sweat?” She then asked cocking a perfectly arched eyebrow.

“There are some things you don’t need to know.” Cas said, his voice sounding lower than normal.

“Having sex at a wedding is incredibly tacky, even tackier than your wedding.” Anna said snippily.

“So about as tacky as the dress you’re wearing?” Cas shot back.

“I’m telling Amelia you said that.” Anna said, shooting Cas a glaring look before she turned back to Dean. “You do realise you have your best man speech in less than five minutes? Please tell me that you’ve written one.”

“Of course he’s written one.” Jo said. “Quoting Webster’s dictionary and everything.” She joked. Anna, Jessica and Sam all rolled their eyes.

“Come on, we need to all be at the high table.” Anna said. Sam held out his arm to Jessica to take and she gave him a smile as she did so. Jo caught Dean’s arm as they all walked over to the high table.

“Did you and Cas really have sex?” She whispered.

“A gentleman never tells.”

“You ain’t a gentleman Dean! Now tell me.” Jo said almost pleadingly. Dean just rolled his eyes. “Does this mean you two are going to get back together?” Jo pressed. Dean shrugged his shoulders.

“I honestly don’t know Jo. Anything could happen, ok?” He said. Jo sighed but didn’t press the matter.

\---

By the time Dean’s speech came around he was ready to throw up. He had never been good with public speaking and really, Jimmy should have remembered that when he asked Dean to be best man.

"Hey…some of you know me, I'm Dean Winchester and obviously I’m the best man or I wouldn’t be stood up here.” Dean said. Anna and Jo rolled their eyes while Sam and Jimmy snorted. So far so good. “I first met Jimmy when we in college. We were roommates during our first year and my first impression was that he was crazy. Totally crazy. In walked this kid from Missouri who had never left his home town. He really did look like he was going to shit himself." Dean said while people snickered. "None of that mattered though because he quickly became one of my best friends. Over the years he's become so much more than that. He's always been there for me, even when I did something really stupid. He was there during the worst time of my life. He's been my best friend and my brother." Dean paused to let out a nervous sigh.

"Go on." Jimmy mouthed encouragingly. 

"As a few of you know I'm probably the worst person to offer advice on marriage.” A loud snort came from Jo until Sam whacked her on the arm. Dean carried on. “Most of you also know that I introduced Amelia to Jimmy. After a lot of long, lingering stares I told him to grow some balls and talk to her.”

“When Jimmy rang me and told me he was engaged, during the middle of the night I wanna point out, I was pretty damn thrilled. I can't anyone else loving these two as much as they love each other. They're like two puzzle pieces perfectly made for each other. Like I said, I really shouldn't dish out marriage advice but here's the one thing I know it true. When you find that person, that person who makes the world make total sense, that person who you can't even think about living without...well, you gotta hold onto them. It may be hard sometimes and it may hurt but fuck it, if love was easy we wouldn't fight so hard to never lose it." The whole room was silent, everyone was staring at Dean and he could feel himself grow hot.

"So yeah...Jimmy and Amelia are my family, I feel pretty blessed every day to call them my family and I'm so grateful they found each other...someone once told me that love should shake up the stars...I believe Jimmy and Amelia have a love that can shatter the stars." Dean said, his whole body shaking as he finished. 

\---

Cas. Cas had been the one to say that. They had been driving through the desert, their wedding only a day behind them. Cas had been staring out the window with a thoughtful look.

"What you thinking about?" Dean had asked.

"Us. Love...a load a shit." Cas said looking back at Dean.

"Care to elaborate?"

"I always thought that love was bullshit, probably I never felt it before. I've got a different idea now." He said, his gaze almost piercing. "It should shake up the stars, that's how you'll know it's real."

"And do we shake them up?" Dean asked, a smile on his lips because by now he was used to Cas’ random ideas. He was an English major after all. He was a fountain of random, albeit romantic, theories.

"Nah." Cas said with a snort. "We fucking shatter them. We're gonna outlive those fucking stars." He said, his face cracking into a brilliant and beautiful smile. Fuck, Dean didn’t even think it was possible to love someone so much but, man, did he love Cas. Star shattering love.

\---

Everyone rose up out their chairs as Dean finished his speech. His heart hammered against his chest as he sunk down into his seat. Anna was beaming at him, she was probably surprised he even finished his speech. Jo was clapping so hard it looked like she would break her wrists. During the applause Dean searched for Cas. When their eyes met Dean nodded. They could go back, redo everything and start afresh. They could be them again. 

By the time the meal was over Dean could tell that Cas was desperate to talk to him. Jimmy and Amelia whirled their way through their first dance. Dean knew that Jimmy, who had been bon with two left feet, had spent the last six weeks taking dance lessons so he didn’t fall flat on his face. Amelia’s smile was so wide Dean was amazed her face wasn’t in pain. Dean whirled around the dance floor with Anna, Jo and Jessica. Amelia cried through the dance with her father while Jimmy barely managed to keep up with his mother. Finally, once all the fuss had started to die down and a slow song came on, Cas found Dean and dragged him onto the dance floor.

“You stole my line.” He whispered into Dean’s ear.

“Well it’s a corny wedding, I needed a corny line.” Dean said with a grin.

“Fuck you, that line wasn’t corny.” Cas said. Dean snorted because it kind of was corny. Cas groaned but he still led Dean around the dance floor. “I want to say something.”

“Is it corny?” Dean asked.

“No, I promise you that it’s not corny.” Cas said before pulling Dean into a hot kiss.

“Was that what you wanted to say?” Dean asked.

"Marry me." Cas said between biting kisses. "Marry me Dean."

"What?" Dean asked in shock as he pushed Cas back ever so slightly. "Did you just ask me to marry you? Again?"

"Well I'm fairly fucking sober this time so it's kind of different."

"You do realise that really you never proposed the last time? You just slurred 'Dude, we should get the fuck married right fucking here and right fucking now.'"

"You're not giving me the answer I'm looking for here." Cas said with a frown. "I'm saying we should get married. Again. Sober. Not get divorced."

"Are you being serious right now? We haven't spoken in two years." Dean said taking a massive step back to clear his head. “Come on.” Dean said motioning for Cas to follow him away from the dance floor.

“Yes Dean, I am being serious. I want to marry you, again.” Cas said.

"Up until a week ago I hadn't heard from since you divorced me. Now you're saying we should just get married again, just like that?" Dean asked.

"What's the issue? I love you, you love me. We're not gonna fuck it up again. Let's get married." 

"I wanna marry you ok, I do...just..."

"Just what?"

"Just not right now. I've gotta sort shit out, shit in my head and you're just moving back to Kansas."

"Are you saying no?" Cas asked.

"I'm saying yes, just not right now ok? Ask me again in like six months, you know, when we've sorted stuff out."

"You mean when you know I'm not gonna run again?" Cas said, his eyebrow cocked.

"Well...yeah." Dean said. He watched as Cas’ face fell and _hated_ it. He hated how many emotions were rushing through him as he stood on front of Cas. He was stood in front of the only guy he had ever really loved. The man he’d loved, the man he’d married and the man who had walked out on him.

“I want you tell you this story right?” Cas said. “Five years ago I met this guy, he was my brother’s best friend in college. At first I thought he was just some dumbass farm boy who kept staring at me but then I realised he was actually a cool guy…and hot. Really hot. A hot mechanical engineering major. Do you know how hard it is to find a hot, bisexual, mechanical engineering majors?”

“I can imagine it’s pretty hard.” Dean said.

“So this guy is amazing and for some reason he wants me. He actually wants _me_. He’s my first real relationship, it’s not all about fucking each other’s brain out. He asks me to come with him on a road trip and we drunkenly get married. Everything is great then two years ago I fucked it all up. I fucked up bad. I ran when I shouldn’t have run and I left him. Since then I’ve been travelling the globe to find myself but the only thing I realised was that I was lonely. I missed my husband.” Cas explained. “God Dean I missed you so much. I’m not going to leave you again, I _promise_ you.” He said with such a heavy sigh that Dean pulled him in for a tight hug.

“I…I missed you too.” Dean said as he rested his head on Cas’ shoulder. “When…when you’re back in Kansas…”

“Yeah?”

“We can…we can start again.” Dean said. “Start again…shit like that.”

“You really mean that?” Cas asked. Dean nodded and Cas beamed, actually beamed. Dean’s stomach was full of nervous butterflies but he knew one thing, as soon as the wedding was over everything was going to change.

He hoped it was for the better.


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has read this! It started out as a small idea and I honestly didn't think anyone would read it, let alone enjoy it.

_Twelve Months Later_

 

“So, what are you and Amelia doing for your anniversary?” Dean asked as he cradled his phone against his ear. He chucked a few more spices into the pot of chilli on the stove and checked the time. Cas was due back any minute and Dean wanted to make sure their food was going to be ready soon. If Cas had a bad day at work he would need chilli.  

“I’m taking her to the theatre to see this play she’s been talking about for weeks. Afterwards I’ve reserved a table at this really nice French restaurant.” Jimmy said on the other line.

“You hate the theatre.” Dean pointed out. Jimmy had been to one play in his life in his quest to impress a girl he had met freshman year. He had fallen asleep fifteen minutes in and got kicked out for snoring. there had not been a second date and Jimmy had sworn to never go to the theatre again. 

“Yeah but I love my wife, gotta make sacrifices for the ones we love.” Jimmy said.

“She’s gonna smack you when you fall asleep.” Dean said with a snort. “You guys still coming over next weekend?” Dean was planning as house warming party for the new apartment. By party he mainly meant having Jimmy and a few others round his new apartment for beer and burgers.

 

The new apartment had been part of ‘the fresh start’. When Cas first moved back to Kansas City they spent a lot of time in his new apartment. That was mainly because Cas said numerous times that even walking into the old place they used to share would be ‘freaky as fuck’. Finally after months of going back and fourth between two apartments Dean caved in, found a new place and Cas would be moving in as soon as the lease on his was up. 

“Yeah of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world. Are Sam and Jess coming as well?” Jimmy asked. Dean snorted once again.

“If they can drag themselves away from their little love bubble then yeah. I’m half expecting to hear about an elopement any day now.” Dean said. Since the wedding Sam and Jess had been inseparable. They spent nearly every waking hour with each other and Dean had to deal with very long phone conversations from Sam. He would talk about nothing but Jessica and how great she was, how smart she and she pretty she was. Dean was just happy that Sam had found a girl nearly as tall as him. 

“That’s more your style than Sam’s.” Jimmy said as the front door to Dean’s apartment crashed open. “I’m shocked you two haven’t bolted off to Vegas again.” 

“Don’t give him any ideas.” Dean said. “Hey babe, in the kitchen.” Dean called out towards the hallway as the crashing sound could only have been Cas.  

“It disgusts me that I now know you call my twin brother ‘babe’” Jimmy said, sounding pretty nauseous.

“I’ve called him worse.” Dean quipped. 

“Seriously gross Dean, seriously.” Jimmy said. 

“Oh yeah? What do you call the person you love?” Dean said.

“Amelia, because that’s her name.” Jimmy said bluntly. Who said romance was dead?

“Tenth graders can suck my fucking dick.” Cas called out loudly. Dean could practically hear Jimmy roll his eyes on the other end.

“Sounds like my brother is definitely home then…well your place, which is probably home to him by now. Your relationship is weird.” Jimmy said. “See you next week man.”

“Yeah, enjoy the show tonight.” Dean said before swiftly hanging up as Cas stormed into the kitchen. “Bad day?” Dean asked Cas.

“My job sucks ass.” Was Cas’ reply. “They’re all a bunch of morons. I went to college because I wanted to be a writer, not teach a bunch of idiots who don’t know shit about literature. None of them had even heard of Salinger. I tried teaching them about _Catcher in the Rye_ and they all just stared blankly at me.” Cas grumbled as he pulled a beer out the fridge. “I think this is karma, I’ve done so much shit in my life that now I’m stuck with awful students. Should never have had sex with my RA first year of college…he had a good ass though.” Cas added with a mutter.

For the past six months Cas had been working at a local high school. It was fair to say that he hated it and was swiftly realising that teaching was not for him. If he lasted another six months Dean was going to be shocked. He knew that Cas really wanted to be spending his days writing instead of trying to not fall asleep in a classroom.

“Please make my day better.” Cas practically begged Dean.

“I made chilli.” Dean said motioning to the pot on the stove. “And we can have a lot of dirty sex after.” He offered.

“Marry me.” Cas said. Dean snorted. Since the wedding a year prior Cas had proposed several times. Dean had always turned him down because it wasn’t the right time. Now was no different.

“You can’t propose in my crappy kitchen over chilli Cas.” Dean said going back to cooking. Seconds later he felt arms snake around his waist. Cas rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder and kissed Dean’s neck.

“One day you’ll stop being so stubborn.” Cas said. He nibbled on Dean’s ear lobe for good measure. He needed to stop because Dean was only so strong.

“Tryin’ to cook here.”

“Trying to propose here.” Cas retorted. Dean rolled his eyes.

“You know most people date, live together and shit like that before they get married.” Dean pointed out. Cas sigh and Dean could tell he was getting pissed off. Dean turned down the heat on the stove and turned round to look at Cas. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s been a year Dean. A year. Sure I have my own place but I’ve spent nearly every night here for the past month and I constantly stayed at the place. I love you, you love me…right?”

“Of course I do you idiot.” Dean said.

“And I’ve said I’m not leaving again. I’m never going to leave you. Are you still scared?” He asked.

“Maybe…I lost you once and it broke me. I don’t want to lose you again.” Dean admitted. Cas sighed, rested his forehead on Dean’s shoulder and two just stood there while Dean continued to cook.

They were both quiet throughout dinner. Cas’ face was a constant frown. Dean was just waiting for the shouting and swearing to start.

“What are we doing here?” Cas asked after nearly an hour of silence.

“Sitting on the couch?” Dean offered. Cas continued to frown. “You mean here as in my apartment or here as in our relationship?” He asked.

“Our relationship, obviously.” Cas said. “What are we doing? Are we moving forward? Standing still? Going backwards?”

“Going backwards was our divorce.” Dean pointed out. “Cas…for a long time I wished that I didn’t love you. I was mad for so long after the divorce. I was mad at you, mad at myself and mad at the world…sure we made up at the wedding but-”

“But what?” Cas pressed. He looked over at Dean with a determined look.

“I thought our story was over. Done. Book closed and the shitty film based on it in production.” Dean said. “Then you waltzed back in gave us all a sequel we didn’t think was gonna happen…”

“So what the fuck are we doing here Dean? What the fuck am I doing here?” Cas snapped. “Why don’t we just break up right now? Save us both the fucked up heartbreak later on.” He said pulling himself up off the couch and going to grab his jacket.

“Are you seriously walking out right now?” Dean asked.

“What the hell does it look like Dean?” Cas retorted. Dean sighed and followed Cas to the door.

“Ok stop, Cas you’ve proved your point.” Dean called. “Did you ever think that’s there is a reason why I keep saying ‘no’ when you ask me to marry you?”

“Yeah…’cause you don’t love me?” Cas said but he didn’t sound confident.

“Cas, you’re really hot and you have a good ass but you’re dumb as fuck.” Dean said. Cas turned and glared at him. “Hey it’s true. Do you want to know why I keep saying no?”

“Go on Dean, before I walk out the door for the last time, tell me why you keep rejecting my proposal.” Cas said with a loud sigh.

“Because I wanted to be the one to ask you to marry me, you stupid jackass.” Dean said. Cas stared at him. “I had a whole thing planned out. I was going to take you to a fancy dinner next week but you’re a baby. You’re a baby who kicked all his toys out of him pram so I’m just gonna have to do it now.”

“What?”

“Castiel Novak, will you stop being a miserable fuck and just marry me? Without divorce this time because that really sucked.” Dean said. One second Cas was staring at him and the next second he was crashing into Dean and kissed him passionately. “I’m going to take that as a yes?” Dean asked between kisses.

“Can we have swans and a string quartet?” Cas asked looking hopeful. When he wanted to, Cas could be a cheesy son of a bitch.  

“No fucking way.” Dean said shaking his head. “Will want to marry me…again?”

“You’re being a serious?”

“As a heart attack Cas, marry me…again. No swans though.” Dean said. “So…will you marry me?”

“Yes Dean, I will marry you again. Even if we can’t have swans and they’ll be no fat Elvis.” Cas said as he pulled Dean back in for a kiss.  

 

Dean waited. He waited until at least two in the morning. After the promised dirty sex Cas had fallen asleep, his body wrapped around Dean’s and his breath on the back of Dean’s neck. Carefully, dean picked up his phone from his bedside table and scrolled until he found Jimmy’s name.

“Dean? What’s wrong? It’s two in the morning.”

“Were you asleep?” Dean asked, his voice quiet so Cas wouldn’t be woken. Cas was a grumpy asshole when woken up for anything other than sex or coffee.

“Yes Dean I was asleep, it is…it is 2:35. Are you dying in a ditch?” Jimmy grumbled.

“Nope. This is payback bitch.” Dean whispered smugly.

“Why are you whispering?” Jimmy asked.

“’Cause I don’t want to wake up Cas.” Dean said. “Now…want to be my best man?”

“Your best…oh fucking hell…you finally caved then?”

“Nah man, I asked him.” Dean said, still making sure to keep his voice down. “Now be my best man so I can make my wedding as stressful for you as yours was for me.”

“If I say ‘yes’ can I go to sleep? My wife is glaring at me because I woke her up.” Jimmy said.

“Yes.”

“Fine, I will be your best man. I’m going to sleep now.”

“See you at the wedding dude.” Dean said with grin. He hung up and set his phone back on the table. Seconds later he felt Cas stirring.

“It’s the middle of the night, what are you doing?” Cas grumbled.

“Getting my revenge on your brother.” Dean said, unable to hide the smug tone in his voice.

“Been doing that since you and I slept together for the first time.” Cas muttered. “Did you ask me to marry you just to piss off my brother?”

“No, that’s just a plus.” Dean said. “Wanna have sex, you know, sweeten the whole revenge plot?” Dean then asked. Cas snorted but gently kissed Dean on the neck. “Gonna take that as a yes.”

“You’re an idiot Dean Winchester.”

“Yeah well you’re stuck with me for the rest of our lives, Castiel Winchester.” Dean said. As soon as he said those words Cas flipped him, so that they were facing one another, and kissed him deeply.

“Say that again.” Cas said, his voice low and raspy.

“Castiel Winchester?” Dean offered. Cas kissed him again and even in the dark Dean could the huge smile on his face. His fingers traced over the inking across Cas’ body. “So, overpriced wedding rings or another tattoo?” He asked.

“The idea of matching tattoos on our ass in growing on me.” Cas said between peppering Dean’s neck and jaw with kisses. “I am, however, fond of the idea of overpriced rings. Let everyone see that you’re mine.”

“So possessive.” Dean muttered. Cas let out a low chuckle as he moved down to kiss Dean’s chest.

“Well this time it’s going to be forever, I mean that.” Cas said, his voice incredibly serious. “I want to spend the rest of my life ogling you, Farm Boy.” Cas then quipped and their phone conversations from all those years ago came rushing back to Dean.

The hours they spent texting one another, the small looks they shared when they thought Jimmy wasn’t looking. The relationship hadn’t started out in the traditional sense, they hadn’t gotten married in the traditional sense and it certainly didn’t ended the way other relationships ended. They were just Dean and Cas, two people who had fallen together, couldn’t never be just friends and whose story had never truly ended.

“I’ll be right here Mr Tortured Writer.” Dean said. He meant that too. He’d known heartbreak, real and agonising heartbreak, when Cas left him and he’d been trying to fix himself ever since. With Cas back in his life that pain was all but gone. One day he hoped that he would wake up and completely forget that, for two years, he had been alone. He wasn’t sure if that would even be possible but he knew that Cas would be by his side. That was all that mattered.


End file.
